Where do I even begin?
There are so many things happening at once. Callings. Requests. Big changes.
There’s a huge blind spot of how things are going to look like around the bend. I haven’t wanted to let go of that old life I had created for myself. But now more than ever, I can see that living in that way was heading in a direction that was going to hurt me more than help me.
As time has gone on, the consequences have become clear.
But how do you let go of something that helped you survive? How do you let go of something that helped you build yourself into the person you are today and get through the worst times of life?
That’s what I have been struggling with. There’s this deep desire for the healing of my mind, body, and spirit and a conflicting old story that has been manipulating that request over and over again. Countless times it has come in and sabotaged the path I was heading.
But that outstretched hand is there.
It wants to bring me into the light. It wants to help me through. It almost feels like it will pull me through I just have to let go and never turn back.
In ways, I started the process. Throughout my life however I know that I have had trouble answering these big callings. I always do but it takes some time. Maybe that’s one of the lessons I’m supposed to learn here – faith. Truth is, I struggled a great deal with that over the past handful of years. For many reasons, I lost my faith. I lost that sense that things were going to be okay when I was going through the thick of it.
All of this time has led me up to this point.
The next chapter.
Closing a book on how I showed up previously and opening up fresh new pages that need to be written as I move forward.
It’s only felt like this one time before and that’s when all of this started.
When the idea was unearthed.
Now it’s time for a different story.
How do I want it to be written?
Full of love and adventure.
I know, with that, that life will be pretty amazing.
So I just have to let go. That lesson continues to pop up over and over and over again. Let go to receive. Let go to become more.
In these final moments before closing the old book, I have to bow to it. It saved me. It pushed me. It helped me become more than I ever could have without it. I see all the moments that have taken place. I see all of the times I failed and got back up over and over again. I developed this relentless attitude to move through anything that life threw my way.
But now, I have to use that same willingness to heal.
I have to be relentless with my faith.
I was meant for more than this.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project