It’s the only way to put it. Every once in a while you see things so clearly that they shake your foundation. There’s no avoiding them. Just the dead honest trust comes out and there’s no way to spin it. There’s no getting around it. You just have to face it.
I think for a long time I’ve allowed myself to meander around the deepest layers of my healing. I’ve focused on everything but that innermost layer that was standing there waiting for me to dive in. In a few instances, I’ve touched that place. I’ve seen the realities and understood what exists.
But I didn’t stay for long. I didn’t want to stay there because those places were seemingly too hot to touch. They hurt when I went there. Sometimes badly. But that was the point – working through the pain to allow myself to heal.
Like I said, I’ve done that in many ways.
But, in hindsight, it was like landscaping around the tree. Sure everything has started to look nice but I really didn’t get deep down into it.
I think it’s time for that.
When the box opens, you see life exactly as it is. You see where those unhandled situations are. You see exactly how you’ve avoided specific parts of your life and how those decisions have paved the way for where you are now.
But, most importantly, you get a clear understanding that if you choose different, you will change.
The world around you will shift and you will start to unfold on even deeper levels of healing no matter what happened in the past. There’s not finish line here…just unfolding.
I believe that I have only started to scratch the surface.
Part of me was a bit scared of committing to something that would yield so many growing pains. But the other part of me was certain that spending this time really digging in deep was going to be exactly what I needed to make my steps into the next place.
What does that mean?
Going back and transforming my story.
While I have written down a lot of it, there’s still much more to be explored. I have to dive in. That part of this path has to begin now. I have to wander back deep within the caves and illuminate everything that I’ve been holding onto for sometime now.
Lamp in hand.
Courage in the heart.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project