The strangest thing has happened over the past few days.
For the longest time, something hasn’t clicked with me in my writing of my book The War Painter. I honestly had no idea what it was and found myself feeling like something was missing.
But the other day, it clicked. There’s been this draw for me to come back to the place where it all began, this blog, and to continue writing before I would do anything else. It was writing here that kept me grounded, honest, and continuing my journey no matter what was going on in my life. It was writing here that I put forward the greatest stories of my life and put them out there for the world to see.
What clicked was the fact that I had to come back and go through all of my writing here to find some of those stories that have been told. There was no avoiding it. I couldn’t produce my book and feel confident that I had poured my heart and soul into it if I was still feeling like something was missing.
My writing is the heartbeat of all of this.
It’s my most sincere form of self-expression and connects me with the deepest aspects of my heart.
That being said, there’s almost 7 years worth of moments that I have long forgotten by now that still hold a significant amount of truth for me. I think it’s time that I go back and rediscover that.
We all lose ourselves from time to time. I think a lot of things journey is finding our way back onto the path when we have fallen off just left or just right. We all have moments where we veer into other lanes and cause havoc.
But I will always remember that along as I keep my moral compass I will always come back to center.
I have spent the last seven years in this apprenticeship phase where I learned a lot of different skills and really started to discover what resonated with me. At times it felt like I was spinning my wheels but I think this genuine path of self discovery has done me more good than making any other decision I’ve made.
I could have gone into a desk job coming right out of college but something in my gut told me that it wasn’t the way. I knew that I was meant for more than that. As hard as this path has been at times and as lost as I have felt sometimes, I can now see that everything has worked out just the way it needed to.
I feel like I’ve gone through a very thick forest and am just starting to see a clearing.
This is not a feeling I’m used to. I’m used to thick dense brush and having to do a lot of manual labor to get through it all.
But now, as I’ve been talking about for some time, the path is very very clear. I know what needs to be done. I know how to do it. And now more than ever…I’m engaging with it daily.
There’s no telling how this is all going to pan out in the end. I think that’s the exciting part of journey’s. You might have a general idea of where you are going but you never really know for sure until you get there. I can see around the bend to a degree. That’s what keeps me going every single day.
Just around the bend. Just around the bend.
But how much of an impact will it all make? No idea.
I have no idea the size of the rock I am building and how big of a splash it will make when I throw it into the water. But I’m looking forward to it. And, above all, I know my intention.
That’s all I need.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project