With a soft breath, I’m learning to let go.
I don’t know what part of my blood it is that os viciously reacts to this process. My heart knows what needs to be done and when I step into that, there’s this violent reaction throughout me.
Words erupt in the surrounding silence. Everything in me tightens. I find myself pacing and reliving moments in full color.
And then something in me brings me back.
Back to the breath.
“Calm down boy…calm down.”
Letting go has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to learn. It’s the memories that get me. It’s the memories of the people, places, and things that continue to romance my heart long after they are gone. It’s not hard for me to take walks down memory lane and experience things over again.
Those moments will always be there. They will always be ready to be seen and experience if I choose. But often going back to those places doesn’t do me any good. I always have found it fascinating how we often remember the times of tragedy more often than the moments that have made us deliriously happen. I’ve been fortunate enough in the recent years of my life to have a wonderful balance of those things. However, I can still get ripped back into the mud from time to time.
There have been recent moments that have asked for a great deal of letting go. They have spoken wisdom to me that the way things once were is no longer.
Those times are gone.
Those ways are gone.
The universe seems to clear everything out of the way all at once. I’m sitting in a place in my life where I am about to make more big moves and changes and there have been tectonic shifts happening right in the foreground. I’m being challenged, but honestly, this comes as no surprise.
I asked for this.
I asked for whatever needed to come my way to keep me growing and changing.
There’s been a lot of that.
So here I am, learning to let go again. Learning to let go of what once was to make room for what will be. While there is a backdrop of sadness in these moments, there’s also the room for more life to come in.
More adventures. More opportunity. More people who will connect with me on levels I’ve never experience before.
So this is life.
A constant learning process.
I don’t want it any other way.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project