I’ve found myself wandering. Not lost. Just wandering.
I think I’ve pulled off the road. I’ve been looking around, finding myself wandering amongst the trees and listening to whispers within. I’ve been focusing on what’s going on right now. I haven’t wanted to build much of anything. I haven’t wanted to create much of anything.
I just wanted to breathe.
In that, I really discovered how tired I was.
There have been some ideas that have floated through my mind lately that struck a deep chord with me. I’ve thought about the demons that sit within us. I’ve started to really wonder if we really ever get rid of these things that tempt us or we just live above them.
Maybe they will always be there but we have quieted them down so much through persistence and determination that they don’t rise up to rebel.
I’ve thought a lot about what I’ve struggled with in the past and how much that effects me still to this day. I think there have been a few situations that people have brought up topics that I don’t really think about that often and it has sent me back into realizing I need to heal some of those places.
There are stories that haven’t quite been processed.
There are memories that are still causing pain in the background.
This time for me has been a path towards healing in many different areas. I’m healing old wounds, I’m healing my body, and in a sense I’m reclaiming pieces of my heart that I really felt out of touch with. It’s not an easy time, but it’s a necessary one.
I think one of the ways I’ve always gotten myself into trouble is by thinking that whatever was happening for me wasn’t the path…that there was something over there that I should be doing instead.
But the more I get into all of this the more I understand just how valuable these times of struggle are. They help me move forward. They help me understand who I am and what it means to develop. Sure, sometimes shedding the metaphorical skin is an incredibly painful process but you always come out new and refreshed.
So as challenging as this time is, I know it’s good for me.
I know the path has heart in it.
And that’s all that matters.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project