I think it’s time.
I can feel myself falling into this groove. I’m going with the current. Something is heating up inside of me. What I’ve called courage forth so many times for is coming to fruition and I’m developing the guts to really go for it.
It’s time go all in. It’s time to leave these past stories behind.
I feel like a different person now and even though I have fallen back into those old stories from time to time I know that things have permanently shifted. It hasn’t been the smoothest of transitions, but the changes have been made.
The path is quite clear.
What’s interesting to me though is that it wasn’t clarity of the path ahead of me that really brought me to this point, but the realization that many old things that were once in my life are no longer for me.
That took some time to really come around to.
I’ve had to let go.
I’ve had to let go of a lot.
I’ve had struggles with a few things, but every time I step back into them I know that I’ve drifted farther and farther away from needing them. They don’t feel right to me anymore.
So the only way is forward.
I’ve often thought about my relationship with writing and what has been happening for me lately. It seems that I’ve been through a long period in my life where I haven’t necessarily wanted to come here to talk.
I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing though.
I’ve worked so much on my awareness and tapping into my intuition that these conversations that were once reserved for this place are now happening in my head. That’s where the understanding is coming from. That’s where the depths are being reached.
Before, the only way I could get there was to sit and write. But now, things have changed.
I’m content seeking this knowledge within myself and coming to an understanding about which way to go next. I don’t feel as lost. I don’t feel like I’m spinning my wheels anymore.
Rather, I feel that I’ve had to practice letting go of everything that was once holding onto me in order for me to get ready for this next big phase of my life.
I’m going to need the energy – I can’t be destroying my body in the gym as much anymore.
I’m going to need to be centered – I’ve had to give up all caffeine and meat because it was throwing my body for a loop and was an engrained piece of my old story.
I’m going to have to get out of my comfort zones – the world is my teacher and I must go see it.
For one reason or another, illness in my family brought me back a couple of times to California. But that was a blessing in disguise. I think, especially with what happened this past time, that it was a blessing in disguise because I learned how to let go of things that I hadn’t quite let go of yet.
They were still holding onto me.
They were built into me.
But I’ve started to really shake those things loose.
Some have even disappeared from me completely. There’s still much more to come.
I’ve been in a battle with writing my book. The battle has been in not wanting to go back and make contact with some things that really hurt me. However, the wiser side of me knows that in order to continue healing, I must.
I’ve avoided those places…but they aren’t healed yet.
They are still wounded. There’s still a lot of work to do there. And, through the process of writing this book, I know in my heart that I will be able to finally heal some of these past events.
I can’t hold onto the way things are or have been. I have to let go of that.
It seems like the universe is asking me to change.
So I’m going with it.
It’s dragging me towards adventure. I can’t resist.
It’s telling me to write. I must write.
It’s telling me to put my words out there for the world to hear by stepping in front of a camera.
So I must.
I must…because I can.
And that’s the point.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project