I keep having this image show up in my head – a young boy, backpack on, opening up these big white doors and on the other side is the rest of the world.
There’s a mixture of emotions right now.
A part of me is incredibly excited to head back out on my adventure again. Another part of me has been feeling this deep sense of sadness. It’s no surprise to me that the sadness has come with letting go. I have to let go of stories, places, events and things that are no longer for me. I have to let go because it will allow space for all that’s for me to show up.
At times, this is the hardest thing for me to do.
The memories can play back in my mind like a movie reel. But every time they do, I have to remind myself that they are gone and that I can’t go back. As amazing or hard as they can be, there’s only what’s here. There’s only what’s going on right now.
These moments are gifts.
Gifts that will continue to arrive if I’m here to welcome them.
And if I’m not? They just float by and I either live my entire life looking backwards or trying to race forwards to some unknown island.
Both are no way to really live. I’ve lived that way but it does nothing but create all sorts of pain.
There have been anxieties that have arrived in thinking about picking up everything again and heading to some unknown place. But I think this go around I am in a much better place. I know, deep down in my heart, I have to meditate throughout this entire journey. Nothing keeps me more grounded. Nothing takes better care of me. It always brings me back and keeps my mind in a better place throughout the day.
On the same note, I know that I have to go out and see as much and share as much as I can.
I want to meet the people. I want to be moved more by the places. I want to be influenced by it all.
But more than anything, I’m in no rush.
I’m not traveling.
And there’s a huge difference in that.
In all ways, I’m a beginner again.
There are pieces of my life that are completely starting over. While all of this is a bit nerve-wracking, it also resonates with something deep down in me. This is what I should be doing. This is the path I know that I should be taking. This is what I’ve wanted to do – adventure – for my entire life and now I have the opportunity to see everything as it is.
There’s no other way it should be. There’s only the way that it is.
I can work with that. I can be there in it. I can soak it all in and keep on growing and changing.
This is where I’m meant to be.
So here I am.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project
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