There are thousands of moments to come.
Moments full of love and passion.
Moments that will challenge me to grow.
This lifetime is filled with so many more moments to come.
I had a very honest moment with myself the other night. For a while now, I have drawn up a plan of what was next to come for me with everything I have been creating here. This plan has shown itself to be very clear and a path that would make my heart dance.
Yet, there’s been this deep unease about something that I couldn’t really figure out. It stalled me. It prevented me from moving forward in the way I wanted to. It truly made me a bit afraid.
That something turned out to be a bit different than what it was on first examination.
It ended up as this…
I was afraid to lose the person who I am now for the person who I am bound to become.
In ways, that might sound a bit silly. But the truth is, I’ve spent a lot of time during this chapter of my life focusing as hard as I could on turning this ship around. And I did. I really did.
What made me nervous is that I had to head back into places to get in touch with more shadows. My work is far from finished. In truth, the greatest part of my path is right in front of me. But that’s going to ask me to shed some old skin that I just haven’t been willing to shed yet.
I’ve wanted to hold onto things.
And that’s how I know I have to let go.
There are things that are no longer for me that I have to loosen my grip on.
Old stories. Old ways of showing up. Old versions of me.
I have to go back to the beginning again. I have to return back to that place of learning it all over again and doing life in different ways than I’m accustomed to. Why? A hunch. The gut rumbling with intuition. That’s all. A direction on the compass. A way.
And in that, I have to be willing to get out of my own way.
As everything else falls away, I am becoming more and more of who I really am. The things that are not for me leave and I am left a more authentic version of myself.
That happens naturally at times. But where it’s really going to show up is me planting that seed with an intention. I’ve had it in my hand for quite some time.
It’s time to put it in the ground.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project
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