As I Really Started To Figure This Out

There’s been this anxiety in me for quite some time.

A sense of deep internal turmoil. I was fighting with myself in many ways. Fighting to understand what I was really supposed to do with everything in front of me. The ego tore away at me constantly and paralyzed pieces of me from moving forward. The heart was whispering “go that way” for years and I just didn’t really take it at its word.

That battle can be brutal at times.

It drags you down into the pit. It takes the energy out of you. It causes you to doubt where you’re at and pulls you right out of appreciation for what’s here.

It’s hard to exactly pinpoint the conflict, but I knew there was a piece of me that wanted to refuse heading dealing into the forest in fear of it not being the correct forest to go into in the first place. Pretty interesting huh?

So you stand at the edge of the trees with half of you wanting to go explore and the other half being timid for all sorts of reasons. Truly, you are paralyzed in that period of time. For me, that has felt like it has lasted for longer than I can remember.

I’ve had to work through all sorts of things that have held me back.

Guilt. Anxiety. Fear.

I really could write a much longer list.

There’s an intense way that the past can continue to dig its fingers into you and make you think that just because something happened back then that it will probably happen again. Most likely? Probably not.

I’ve grown. I’ve grown so much since all of this began and have the opportunity to do something that could really impact the world. I know that this project has touched the lives of many, and I want to continue to do that. I want to do that in a grand way where my adventure into learning, diving deeper into myself and understanding what’s possible for myself also becomes the adventure of the content that gets put out here.

I’ve had a lot of questions about how to do this properly but I’ve come up with a content plan and general plan that I’m comfortable with.

I have the tools for it. I have the ambition to do it. I’ve learned a lot about dedication and what it really takes to make something successful.

It’s just time to go ahead and do that. It’s time to keep diving farther and farther in and discover just how far the rabbit hole goes.

So off we go again.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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