As I Was Called Out Of The Woods

My heart has felt a thousand things today.

It has crashed like the waves of the ocean. One minute at peace and the next minute rolling in wildly.

There’s no stopping it. There’s no controlling it. There’s just letting it be what it is.

It’s wild.

It’s free.

The feminine works within me today.

Life has been a series of paint strokes filled with wild colors.

Vibrant.

Dark.

Mixed with imperfection.

My heart splashes on the canvas of what is my life.

Something in me is stirring.

My mind can’t figure it out. I think that’s the point. I’m not ever going to be able to. I’m not ever going to be able to understand this. So I’m just going to pour out what does have some texture to it and just let it be what it is.

I took that step I always wanted to take. I took the step I knew I could and now I’m headed back into uncharted territory.

It’s a scary experience leaving the harbor.

We can do that in all sorts of ways in our life.

Whether that’s simply leaving what’s comfortable or heading into something completely new for the sake of growth. There are thousands of different perspectives and ways to shift in the moment. But this one for me really feels like there’s no going back.

I was deep into the forest but I heard this faint whisper that I needed to appear in front of everyone again.

My intuition spoke loudly about seeing to a personal family situation and as I have learned to do throughout all these years, I trusted that.

I trusted that it wouldn’t lead me astray or ruin the path, but rather that it was a slight detour on the path that I was destined to travel.

But back into the woods I will go again.

And this time, it has a wildly different feel to it.

There’s fear in this heart of mine, but there’s great courage as well.

One can’t exist without the other. They are lovers dancing in the soul.

To not have fear is to not have courage. And as I think about this next chapter and in heading as deep into the trees as I possibly can, I know that my journey is going to be defined by my learning to settle into the great mystery of it all.

It’s easy to clamp down on what you can grasp on when life is uncertain. But it takes everything to actually sit there in a state of unknowing and trust that you are going in the right direction.

Sitting in uncertainty is actually sitting in truth.

It all shifts and changes. It all bends and moves.

You can trust that if you let go.

You can trust that life is going to shift if you allow it to shift in a way that you need.

It might not always look like how you want it to look like, but I think that’s actually part of the design. Things don’t happen in the way you think it should happen.

And there’s a gift in that.

Some bigger picture.

Some bigger purpose to it all.

I’ve taken steps.

Cast off from the shore.

Ready to make way.

I’m afraid.

But I’m also ready.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project 

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