Stick me back into myself a few years ago and I would have told you that you were completely full of it if you said…
Things are falling into place.
HOW?! How are they falling into place? Are you kidding me? Get a grip.
That’s how the beginning of that conversation would have gone.
Things have changed.
It’s really easy to get defensive like that. There were a few things about today that really made me start looking back at how I was – and I still struggle from time to time – when things seemingly start going downhill.
It’s really easy to get to a place of discouragement. I can really understand that. But I think there’s something that’s often overlooked that causes people so much pain when they don’t see it in a different way.
You see, when you get really attached to the way it’s “supposed to be” and it doesn’t go that way, you start hurting pretty damn bad.
I’m going through one of the biggest life transitions I’ve had right now in having spent the past 4 months traveling throughout Europe. I had this plan and that was absolutely needed to get me out of where I was. But like anything in life, things change.
I changed actually. I learned more about myself in the past 4 months than I have in a long time and I really started to understand the things that worked for me and the things that didn’t. I realized how important the people were in my life and how much energy they gave me. I realized that the way I was going about the traveling wasn’t really for me.
Here’s something else I learned.
Isolation is a gift.
That time you can really spend on your own, doing your own thing, nothing or no one to answer to and you just get to hear yourself think and work through things…that’s invaluable.
And it made me realize that there are things about me that are built straight into my DNA that I just have to accept and can’t change.
One of those things – I have an insatiable desire to really help people change their lives.
That’s not going away and it’s not really any surprise I’m doing what I’m doing now.
But the other part is that there’s this competitive side that just wants to conquer a goal. I’ve been that way since I was little and I doubt that will ever change either.
I was looking for a word over the past few months and it really just popped into my head lately.
And for some time, I had been fed a lot of different things that told me I should relent.
Which I can’t do anymore. Whatever is in me just doesn’t want it. It won’t have it.
There are a lot of ways I have maintained balance, but there’s been this feeling of wanting to turn up the heat. When I come back home, I’ve already committed into diving into another photoshoot starting November 9 and I can’t tell you 1. how much this means to me and 2. how excited I am to do this again.
But even more, I feel like things have clicked into place.
I have decided.
And it wasn’t for lack of wanting to make a decision. Everything else just felt slight off. It was indecision because I didn’t know yet. I was so ready for something but it hadn’t come across my path yet.
I know what I need to do.
I’ll do it.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project