At times I haven’t really been sure of what I’m doing.
Maybe more than just times. Maybe a hell of a lot of the time.
But things seem to be forming lately that just make sense. Yesterday I mustered up the courage to paddle out into the lineup where all the locals go to surf the bigger waves. I went for it. I talked myself through it. I paddled like all hell to catch the first big one I saw and caught it and it was like everything became second nature.
The world seemed to just melt into the water around me and I disappeared into this intense feeling of joy.
It was in that moment I knew that I wanted to do this forever.
There have been many different routes I have taken throughout the years. Part of me feels like I’m 100 years old writing that last sentence. But truly, this past 5-6 years of building awareness and chasing after my dreams hasn’t been feeling like the shortest amount of time. It feels like a long time ago when I just began.
I can see myself writing at the desk in my college dorm room.
I remember the feeling around those days. Pain. Indescribable amounts of pain.
And since that time, there have been many more pains. But the majority of the time I’ve found myself venturing deep into the woods…off the beaten path…discovering what is meant for me and ignoring the paths other people are taking.
I watch and see what others are doing for ideas, but never try to compare myself to what they are doing and try to copy that.
I’m really only interested in doing my own thing.
To be honest the biggest thing I’m struggling with right now is ironing out my consistency. I’ve been blogging more. I’ve been video blogging like none other. I’ve been creating a lot more than I ever have. I guess I’m just falling into the groove of making it work.
I’m finding my balancing act.
I’m walking across that bridge and gearing up for what’s in the clearing of the woods.
But what I can tell you about my life right now is that I’m more at peace than I’ve ever been. Even during those days I’m getting absolutely rocked by waves, I’m having fun. I’m enjoying life. I’m smiling a lot.
-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project