When you take the time to wander, you begin to understand things that you may never come to grips with by living in an old way.
For me, that old way was always having a plan. An “A to B.” Everything was a very straight line, and with that straight line came a constant desire to keep everything in a very black and white space. But as time goes on, and I begin to find myself heading in directions of no particular pull except for the one that is coming from the inside of my chest, I have discovered worlds full of color and intricacy that probably get missed by most.
There’s a tendency to want to get caught up in a feeling of “this will never happen again to capture everything.” To an extent, that thought is true. This moment will never happen again. But the capture everything part has had an interesting way of manifesting itself throughout the past two weeks since I changed my life in moving across the world.
I actually asked myself, “What does capture really mean?”
To which, some interesting answers came back up. I live in a world, a very digital world (one that I love very much) where there are certain pressures to get the perfect picture or to capture the perfect moment. But all of that actually takes a lot of work. It takes a focus on composition, lighting, colors, symmetry, and the list goes on and on.
There’s something though about just being in that moment – being there – that does something for you that you could never feel by looking at a photo. That photo might take you back to a moment, but if you weren’t actually all there then you are just getting a piece of a piece.
As I have been wandering around, I’ve been trying to stay grounded in the fact that I am there to feel, to dance in the experience, and to go wherever my heart takes me. If that means walking into a museum, I do that. If that means heading out late at night to capture the streets in their quietest form, I do that. This conversation though of “this is not actually your life…you’re going to have to come back to some other reality” has been a challenging one to say the least. It’s a conversation that has been going on for two weeks because the reality of it hasn’t really sunk in yet.
Maybe as I continue to travel I will understand more and more what this really means to me.
The same things that challenge you where you were will always challenge you wherever you go. You can’t run from anything – expect that you’re going to take it with you. And you do – that’s just the dead honest truth. What I’ve taken with me is this question of “what’s next?”
I’m here in one of the most beautiful cities in the world living into a dream that was only a mere spark in my mind, and yet that question is there being softly asked in the late hours of the night listening in for guidance.
There are always going to be questions.
Questions that cause you to tremble, those that will spark giant moments of creativity, and others that help you discover pieces of yourself you might have had trouble identifying with in the past. But these questions are moments in which you can gain clarity if you give them the space they deserve. Ushering them away only causes havoc in other areas of your life. So let the questions exist.
From time to time, I sit down with a big piece of paper and draw out battle plans of what I want to accomplish.
I think a piece of me in what I’ve experienced here is that this was such an amazing goal to have and now that I’ve actually done it I’m sitting a bit unsure of what to tackle next. There are pieces of this puzzle that comfortably float around in my mind of what I would like to do and how I would like to make my mark on the world…
But not that igniting flame that has carried my ship forward.
It will come, I know it will. For now, I am enjoying seeing things and experience things I never thought I would ever experience.
I’ll end on this.
There’s something about the power of words, intention, and the ability to create your world that’s beyond my comprehension. It has happened to me time and time again that I have said things, that might not have come true right in the moment, but as time went on they manifested themselves somewhere down the line.
There’s something really special there.
That’s why I am a dealer in words.