The Moments I Chased What I Loved

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One of the greatest gifts I’ve been given came within the past couple of weeks.

There were things that melted my heart in many ways. Some of these moments I will never forget. I feel them stitched into me never to go away…nor would I ever want them to.

Usually, I would say that something changed. But that doesn’t really describe it here. It wasn’t change…but rather I was reminded of something that had been lost for such a long time. Maybe it was familiar to me in many ways, but being brought down into the depths of it all…that was a place I hadn’t been in many many years.

That moment I will keep close to my chest.

But the warmth that came from it reminded me of what it was like to chase what I love.

To say “the hell with playing it safe” even remotely and to pour everything out. Stories that had only been written in journals. The same journals that were burned with a prayer and sent into the heavens…requesting that those ashed words found their way to the right spot if the wind would have it.

Stories that were buried deep in my heart waiting to come out…waiting to be spoken…waiting to be heard.

And in a moment, I was set free.

I had nothing left to give. Nothing else I could give of myself. And in a a moment of pure acceptance I just nodded my head and looked up to the stars whispering, “if it will be, it will be.”

The greatest gift I was given was the support to roam wherever my heart took me. The words uttered making an impression on me that drove me to tears. Tears of happiness. Tears of release as I was stepping into moments that would finally set me free from years of imprisonment.

This gentle touch, something I wanted to hold onto as much as I possible could, allowed me to slide my fingers out of its hand and let go…

And trust…trust that if it was right…it would be.

I realized, that it was my time to have an adventure. And adventure that would change the course of my life. One that is so far beyond my comprehension of what is possible that every moment will seem like a dream. I realized, this was finally my time to go. A moment of newness since I had watched many have this moment for themselves but never had one of my own.

Do I still feel?

Yes.

Now more than ever.

But can I hold my hand open?

Yes.

Hoping that one day, that hand will be taken.

A choice…

Finally chosen.

And to hear those words again…would forever make this soul of mine dance.

-Evan Sanders

 

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    June 24, 2016 at 7:41 am

    […] This article was orginally posted on thebettermanprojects.com. […]

  • Nma
    June 30, 2016 at 4:07 am

    I’m glad I found you

  • Lynne
    August 26, 2016 at 2:04 am

    The problem is how the hell do I get to this place! For the past two years I feel like I have given my all to finding my happiness, but in turn my character, it’s fieryness, it’s passion, it’s black and Whiteness seems to mean I fail every time because it is not accepted by others, if anything they are scared of it.

  • Tovis
    August 26, 2016 at 2:13 am

    Wonderful.
    “The greatest gift I was given was the support to roam wherever my heart took me” – that is what I love for. And one of my most precious “secrets” on how to live a happy life.

  • Lai
    August 26, 2016 at 5:04 am

    I just need that.. Thank you so much.

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