Some decisions change the rest of your life.
They spawn new paths. They are choices that we have to make.
But most importantly, they are representations of our destiny unfolding.
My story has been an interesting one. 5 years ago a 21 year old kid decided to start writing even though every single paper he had ever written in his entire life was subjected to English teacher’s murderous red pens.
If they could have written “travesty” on some of them, I am sure they would.
Writing changed my life. It wasn’t the writing itself that I fell in love with, but it was the expression. The expression of things that wanted to come out that I was always too afraid to say. I learned throughout time that I couldn’t just come out and say what exactly happened – for many different reasons – so I learned to write the story without actually writing the story.
Maybe, if you have read some of this before, you would understand exactly what I am talking about.
Throughout the past few days, there has been interesting movement within me. I realized a lot of different things about the current situation I am in, made a few massive decisions about my life going into the next few years and have let go of a few things that were ready to exit.
I committed to another photoshoot, I started taking care of my food once again, I committed to stepping up with my business and have looked at how my life was functioning and where the “spinning my wheels” feelings would come up from time to time.
I looked at where my developmental edge was and saw the ways that I could move into what I was capable of.
And even more, I started to see something “take off” over this past week and grow like crazy. I looked at it and said to myself, “The wave is coming…here we go.”
But tonight, like I said above, I want to tell you a story.
I want to tell you deep down in my heart of hearts something that has kept me going all these years later. Even though I have struggled lately with sitting down to write, I know that I am here to stay and I am going to be coming back to the table for quite some time now.
But that’s another story.
It has been very true of my life that everything seems to happen all at once or nothing happens at all. The truth is, when everything is happening at the same time, usually it is incredibly hard to deal with. There have been massive moments of pain…
But these moments have each taught me something.
Something that I not only learned, but something that would change my character deep deep down.
Through the hardest of events, I have learned the most valuable of lessons.
While that is a major pain…I can at least look up at the sky and know that I am being taken care of. Because every single time I have gone through a massive struggle and felt like I was being burned to the ground, I would rise back up and go farther and farther beyond where I was.
One step backwards, 10 steps forwards.
So as hard as the beatdowns have been and the resulting time after them…I know that soon enough I will be heading in the right direction and be moving far past where I was.
But I had to learn how to think this way. I think a lot of the people preaching out there – which is the issue in the first place (preaching) – don’t actually really tell you just how much you have to practice this stuff. Because honestly, nothing is easier to do when shit hits the fan than run straight away from the problem itself.
Sure you can run, but good lord can you not hide. Guilt has a very interesting way of festering in people until they crumble. Guilt is like termites to a foundation. Eventually, things get costly.
I’ve had to train myself day in and day out to see situations that were absolutely horrific to deal with and understand that the struggle was good for me. I had to choose to see pain as something that was not a punishment, but a necessary factor in order to…
When you are overloaded with faith, you begin to understand that there is some sort of energy at place that doesn’t give you exactly what you want, but it always gives you precisely what you need.
That’s the point. Because if we had it our own way we would only be doing the things that were impossibly easy. But the braver and braver you are, the harder and harder the game gets. But for the hunter, you want the challenge.
The only part you have to accept is the consequences of wanting it.
I can tell you that those consequences are hard. They are meant to be hard. They will take everything out of you and give you a serious run for your money. Let them. When you start taking on bigger and bigger things, the rewards are much larger.
Even more importantly, the “why” you’re doing it becomes the backbone of surviving anything that comes your way.
Without a why…you are spineless.
My “why” has changed throughout the years, but as time has gone on I’ve realized that down to its roots…I can understand that this is all about fearless love.
Yes, infecting the world with fearless love.
And for me, that means stepping into places that may not be comfortable. That means traveling the world and seeing things and experiencing things that are going to challenge my heart. That means taking my ideas and actually turning them into something…instead of just letting them sit there.
I have to go all out.
Because if I don’t, I’m going to regret not doing it. I know I will. I already feel it in my stomach when I hold back. There’s something to be said for putting it all on the line and not knowing how it’s going to turn out.
I’ve learned to accept that more and more.
So here I am…sitting in that tonight, hoping that you will have the courage in your heart to go after it. Do what you know is right. Don’t wait.
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