I have no intention of staying found.
I have every intention of getting lost.
I have every intention of bringing every single last gift I’ve been given out in me and using it to burn the whole f’ing forest down (metaphorically speaking).
I’m not here to impress you. I’m here to speak to your heart. I’m here to break down all of your barriers, every single boundary you’ve ever constructed and tear down the walls. I’m not going to stroke your ego. I’m not going to sugarcoat it.
I will tell you what will serve your heart…even though that may be painful at times.
But I will also speak possibility into you. I will tell you of the grand adventures and tales that rest before you. I will show you a world that you didn’t know existed. I will take you into a dreamland…one that could easily become a reality if you walk in faith.
I will take you there…because I’ve gone there myself.
And here I am at the beginning of the year, just steps out of the dream asking myself if I can do it all again? Could I give another 15 years of my life to something so grand that it transcends anything I ever imagined? Could I sit here and give everything I’ve got for years and years at a time to see a vision through that is far beyond my comprehension of what is going on right now?
Something inside me whispers yes.
Something inside me knows that it is possible.
It is, because I’ve seen it happen.
Little did I know that a budding writing project that wasn’t intended for anyone to see would lead to all of this. But there was always that whisper of a thrill…
Knowing that one thing would lead to another and another and another and eventually seeds would bloom in ways that were unpredictable.
We plant seeds of the unknown and nourish a garden that we have no idea how it will exactly grow. We don’t know because the seeds we plant get buried deep in the dirt and as we tend to them they change.
The foundations of our life change.
Who we are deep down changes as we feel things shifting deep inside that we might not be able to understand at the moment.
But when we look back, we can see. We can see what we once felt. What an amazing experience that is…to be able to witness the changes that occurred in our lives when we finally gave up having to know everything and put our hands in the hands of whatever is taking care of us. This is an experience that has changed my life time and time again and now sitting here…I am asking for it to take me again.
I trust that whatever is watching over me will handle everything that is out of my control. Truthfully, most of it is out of my control. But there are certain things that are right in my wheelhouse that I need to take care of every single day.
I need to show up giving my heart.
I need to heal myself because I can truly heal others.
I need to continue loving and have my hand outstretched for those to take it.
Some days are much harder than others. Some days are an absolute grind but those are the days that you must dive farther and farther into your faith. You have to dig in rather than give up. You have to be wiling to put yourself to the test even when all the of the gunfire is headed your way.
The mystery of planting those seeds is one of the most challenging and yet gratifying actions there is. I know, that deep down I have to continue down this path I’m on. I have sat in this seat time and time again but never has anything felt as driven as the moments I am currently in. Part of me felt exhausted after everything that happened this Holiday season. But the other part knows that it’s time to move forward and continue on a journey that is only just beginning.
In a way, I felt like everything I’ve done over the past 5 years has prepared me for these moments to come. All of the training, all of the writing, all of the trials and tribulations coming my way. The tests have been endless and yet here I am still breathing.
In a way, I take great pride in my story.
In another way, I know that another one is waiting to be written.
So let’s keep writing.