Where The Light Pours Out

I changed.

But I didn’t add anything on. Rather, things fell away and I saw what was underneath.

I saw a world that I was supposed to step into. I saw the biggest adventure I have ever been asked to undertake and know that I am going to take it. It doesn’t come without some fear – I’m going somewhere I don’t know that well and there aren’t many people that I am familiar with – but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

Listening to the deepest callings can be complicated.

Yet, so simple.

It’s my mind that keeps turning and asking questions. But the other pieces of me know exactly what to do. They are all pointing me in a direction that I can no longer ignore.

Funny how the heart works.

One minute it feels like it’s in pieces…and yet if we ask the question “Am I being broken further open?” we get all sorts of answers that may surprise us.

This year has been a year of being broken open.

A year of breaking down walls, stepping into fears, stepping into dreams and really going after things that I had never been able to go after before.

Hands down, this year has changed me more than any other year of my life. When I started 2015, I don’t think I could have predicted that. What a wonderful surprise.

I’ve been challenged in so many ways it’s hard to name them. But what I’ve learned more than anything that sometimes letting things go add more to your life than anything else. That letting go process can be one of the most painful experiences out there because a lot inside of you doesn’t want to let it go. It wants to hold onto it forever. It wants to keep it locked up and safe.

But you have to let go.

You have to let those pieces of you go to see what is right in front of you.

If we don’t let go, we live in the past…and miss out on everything that is here. I’ve been there many times and it destroyed a lot of great things that were in my life. It tore me apart because after I realized what had happened…it was already too late.

That was the story of my life years ago.

A story that perpetuated itself until I cleaned everything up in my past. A story that changed me in many ways and granted me experiences that helped me make better decisions today.

So in many ways, I am incredibly thankful.

Sitting here in the quiet tonight, I continue to think about what’s ahead of me. It’s interesting to think about all that has happened this year and how I have been growing wings for all of this time. It’s interesting to think about the things that have happened and how they have prepared me for this moment.

These are moments to cherish.

Who knows if I’m going to name this properly, but there’s also a hint of sadness to these moments. It guess it’s a complicated thing in nature. There’s a touch of sadness in the surrounding of how many great moments I have had here. Smiles, laughs, moments of deep love and times of shaping my life into what it is now.

And yet, there are so many more memories to be created.

So many more laughs. So many more happy times. Many more moments of love.

If I can close this in a way that makes sense to me inside…I guess I would ask that I could keep those memories close and know that I can create many many more.

That who I am is more than enough.

And that I can light fires in hearts wherever I go.

-Evan Sanders

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  • msjadore
    January 2, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Thank you for this.

  • Fi jones
    May 7, 2016 at 10:35 pm

    Oh yes you definitely light my heart daily ⭐️

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