Extreme pressure. The type of pressure that condenses you and shapes you into something different. The birth of kings. The birth of queens. The birth of something new.
There’s fury in this heart of mine right now. There’s this strong pull I can feel tearing at me to go a different direction.
I’ve felt this pressure before.
I’ve felt this building for some time.
I can feel this over my chest, running up through my cheekbones and down the sides of my neck. It’s circulating.
It’s begging me to do what I know I can.
I am being asked to drastically change my actions…to drop my previous decisions…to let old pieces of me fall away to and usher in something focus, new, driven by a voice, and flowing with faith.
I’ve not made that decision previously because I was scared to. Scared to dive into that place…
Because I know that this version of myself, this version that I worked so hard to create…I’ll just never be able to go back. I’ll never be able to go back to the person I am right now because of the request.
The request to do it all differently.
What a strange feeling.
To know what you have right now is good but to be asked by something to drop that for something you cannot see, cannot even fathom or can hardly put into words…
And to run purely on faith that it’s the right thing to do?
It’s not even fear…
Fear doesn’t even come close to describing it.
It’s blind faith.
It doesn’t feel unguided.
I’m here writing today, after days and days of thinking about all of this making a commitment to diving into all of it. My commitment goes beyond just writing these words…I’ve sealed it in many other ways.
But as I’m writing all of this right now, I know that there are going to be pieces of me that leave…
Pieces of me that have changed…and yet will never come back.
All the logical arguments could tell me otherwise, but this is all beyond logic. All beyond what my mind could possibly tell me. This is in the depths of my heart.
Far past a simple understanding.
I’m leaving my mind behind on this one.
And trusting I’m headed right where I belong.