I’ve fallen in love with adventure.
New stories. Fresh pages.
The interesting thing about writing, and this happens from time to time when you put fresh ink down onto clean pages, is that sometimes that ink hasn’t dried yet and it bleeds onto the others. The stains of previous words and lessons continue to imprint themselves onto something flawless and fresh and you are reminded constantly of what the previous pages spoke of.
This bleeding onto other pages is an experience I’ve been aware of lately and one that is exposing me to things that I’ve never really expected to see.
It has led me down paths as of late that have opened up windows of experience that have no only provided me with different outlooks, but have sneakily shown me variations to the path that I am on that might be worthy of exploring.
Enchanting mysteries, these paths are.
Little worlds in their own.
We explore a path and when we reach its end it’s only the end of that world. But there are so many journeys to take. So many adventures to be had and many new memories to be created.
We cannot allow the dead ends, the immovable rocks or the impenetrable forests to prevent us from finding another way, another path, and ultimately living in a completely new experience.
To stand frowning at the reality of something is to rob yourself of actually living…because after that initial moment is gone you are living in the past.
Yet we do it so often.
We stand staring at the block wondering why? Why in the world is this all here? I thought this was the way?
Living in that experience is living in a place as thick and sticky as molasses.
You won’t move far. You won’t move quickly.
This place is a place I’ve been confronted with throughout the years.
As much as I have adventured my heart and soul into the unknown I’ve had bouts of indecision standing wondering why I reached a cliff with no way of continuing on. I’ve stood there, sitting on the edge wondering what led me to that place…and why, why, why?
But as time has gone on, I’m spending less time wondering, although not easy at first, and more time throwing these endings in the path up to the heavens to something that has far more wits and vision than I do.
I give up on trying to understand…which seems to serve me in not driving myself into complete madness…and instead following that baritone voice calling me to take a left and enter onto another path.
As we are sometimes crawling through the bushes and making our way over the fallen trees, we are confronted with silence and moments of complete solitude.
These moments are gifts.
Gifts that allow you to hear yourself think. Gifts to not understand why, but to understand yourself. To look deep within yourself and find what it is that you can comprehend about the paths you have taken.
What have I learned?
Seems to be a question that has been guiding me throughout the past 5 years…but there’s another that is far more compelling to me…
Who was I on that path?
You can come to all of the understanding in the world and you can possess many different types of knowledge, but there seems to be something else at play when you actually start to answer the question, “Who was I?” vs. “What was the lesson?”
“Who was I?”
If you are sync with yourself may actually lead you down to a conversation of being in integrity. The answer to that question, I’ve felt at times when I was exactly the person who I know I am…is actually those last two words itself…
But there comes an end to this quietness…these gifts of solitude and slow breathing.
And the end is when you enter onto fresh gravel, that little iteration in the path you decided to travel to, where you have to start taking completely new steps with inexhaustible and uncompromising faith.
It’s the hardest part.
But it’s the most worthwhile of all of it.
I’ve been asked many different times what has kept me going in all of this – especially by people who have been with me for 5 years now – and my answer is always the same thing…
Undying enthusiasm for adventure.
I am an adventurer at heart. I’ve been nicknamed “scout” ever since I was little because I also had to hike far far ahead of the pack. I thrive on finding the new. I come alive in the forest and feel madly alive climbing mountains.
I have opened up more and more to this throughout this past year and have fallen in love with nature.
A constant source of energy…
Inextinguishable amounts of connection…
And what I have discovered throughout time about myself is this…every single journey I take, there is never a loss of enthusiasm for possibility.
That has made me fall in love with this. That has kept me seeing the best in situations that have darker colors to them. That has helped me see people’s spirits and what they are capable of instead of the worst in them. That has kept me alive, kicking, passionately enthusiastic and loving like a raging campfire.
While I do fall. While I do skin my knees. While I do get brought down to a knee sometimes…
I carry on.
With only smiles in this heart.
Because no matter what fades away in my life, I always remember the memories. The blissfully fun and incredible moments that I have had. I’ve made certain that my life is on the edge of growth and borderline too much fun.
Sometimes I fall off the tracks going 100 mph. But oh my are those disasters fun to be a part of. Because they are worth it…
Never again did I want to be hesitant or filled with regret.
I can’t live that way.
The story of a young man crashing and burning…and at the same time being reborn over and over again…truly alive.