How To Know Yourself
Erasing. Erasing. Erasing.
The more I erase the more I find. Seems to be a little counter intuitive to what we are taught isn’t it? Most of us come from a place of how many things can we possibly learn to make ourselves better? How many skills can we tack on to improve on our lives like we are a living breathing résumé.
Lived that way. Too hard really. Not for me.
When I got sick of doing that I found something much deeper and more exciting about my life. I found out that not everything was about tacking on…but it actually turned out that it was more about erasing away all of the unnecessary stuff. The personal judgements, criticisms, the ego, and everything else in the book that turned out to be a tad bit too much. I realized that I fell into the trap of “I’m not good enough” and had spent all of my time learning how to tell stories about things that I had added in so others would be impressed. Oh how I was on some stage back then. I was on a stage being pulled every single way by all sorts of strings.
“What would happen if you decided to cut all of those strings?”
I found out. Wasn’t comfortable because I felt lost for a while, but I really did find out. In fact, you know how anxiety inducing it can be to really begin to comprehend that you have absolutely no control over the future? HUGE. I mean, big time. I started to panic because the place I had lived in – the future – was a shallow reminder of how hard I had tried to live my life in the land of “it will all turn out.”
He will never ask you to be anything but who you are. You’re imperfectly perfect to him. He will see you as a wonderful mystery, something to be learned about and explored all over again every single time you see each other. And when your ocean rages he’ll stand there firm as a rock – never moving, budging or failing in purpose no matter the test or trial. You’ll never doubt his being there. You’ll never doubt his resolve. He’ll be his own man and let you be your own woman. He knows how to let you be free. He let’s you fly, not because he doesn’t want to be there, but he knows how important it is to feel the wind beneath your wings. He knows the pains of old you feel. He knows there are scars and wounds that you’re worried about him seeing. But he already sees. He already knows. And he loves every last drop of it.
Little did I realize at that time, the only time I have is now. Right now. There’s nothing else. You can have some sort of idea of what you want to do down the line but that’s really it. The only way to make those things become a reality is by showing up here and now and that’s all that you’ve really got.
But that’s so liberating in many ways. That’s powerful. So let it be. Let it be exactly what you need to connect.
Because when you connect to what’s going on, anything is possible. Anything. The world becomes yours. But when you try to constrict it all, you’ve built yourself the worst prison possible – one in your mind.
Let it all free.