There are some mornings I wake up and feel like something has changed in the night. I love that feeling. I love that feeling of connection with whatever it is. When I get to that place, I know that good things are coming my way. I know that things are settling. Grounding. Deepening.
There are times when the ocean roars inside of me and times when that mountain sits there completely unaffected. Both of these things are powerful in their own way, but the shifting and changing of this ocean is always a little bit more to handle. It just occurred to me that the reason why, or at least this is my best guess, I love the winter months so much is that there is this stillness, emptiness, and serenity because of the snow covering the mountains. That chill runs up my spine and I feel this heaviness and density that I can’t entirely access when it’s summer. Things are much more still, quiet, asleep, slow…and this is why my moods change. This is why I love these upcoming months so much. When I enter into this place, everything focuses deep down into another layer and I am completely here.
Climb, young man climb.
There are journeys, adventures, risks, and decisions to be made in front of me. There are things to be done, words to be written, and a continued effort to continue diving within. What shifted last night physically brought me down from my solar plexus into my pelvis. The weight dropped. When the weight dropped, so grounded and rooted farther into the earth.
It’s a strange feeling going through all of these things because it’s relatively new for me that I actually have begun to understand (somewhat) what is actually going on with me when it happens. There’s a different level of awareness that I never really had access to until I had a few people open that world up to me.
What I find even more interesting though is that some of the visions I had about the future, which always seemed to have a missing element to them, have reconstructed themselves and that element has been added in. What I was seeking, I’ve found. And with what I found, I know without a shadow of a doubt that it’s right. The battle for me has never been trusting my instincts. The battle for me is overthinking a situation and letting that get in the way of my instincts.
After last night and the post I wrote, Safe Makes You Good, Chances Make You Great I knew that I had been in this place of thinking, and while my brain has supported me time and time again, I make my decisions at the end of the day from my heart. I make decisions based off of what I know is right deep inside vs. what logically makes sense. That doesn’t mean that I ignore what my mind is telling me – there’s a lot of intuition that rides in there as well – but I know that I start getting into trouble when I let my mind talk me out of doing things instead of supporting me in my efforts.
It’s not the good voice usually that talks me out of doing things, it’s usually the internal critic that throws judgements, potatoes, tomatoes, and all sorts of rotten fruit at me when I am making decisions about where to head with my life. That internal critic…honestly, would outweigh any amount of criticism or judgement that anyone else could throw at me. It’s hard on me. It’s brutal. It knows exactly what to say and how to say it. It ran the show for a long long time…but when I started finding that inner wisdom…I got to make a choice with what I wanted to do with my life. I stopped living as a human stress reaction.
I said last night that I felt like a massive page just turned over in my life. Who knows in my imagination how big these pages are for this to happen, but I have to say it seems like they are huge. This morning felt different. This morning, I am ready. This morning “I got this.”