This too shall pass. This time of silence and grinding work. It will run its course if I do it right and will come to an end like everything else. From that, something new will begin. Something fresh will come out of the passing of something old. That’s just the way the world works really.
These are strange times. Times of great learning. Times of experiencing many new things. Times of deep understanding. In fact, the greatest understanding that I have come across in a while was why I was actually so uncomfortable with silence. I was so uncomfortable with quiet because it reminded me of something bad way way back. Until yesterday, I didn’t realize that this was the case. I thought it was just the nature of the silence itself…but what I found was that it was my relationship with silence that was steering the experience.
Take your time with the things that are unsettling you. I’ve often found with people that there’s a tendency to not spend a lot of time with something that is brewing inside. Truly, and I’ve been here a million times, we seek to push it away or turn away from it because we would rather not deal with the situation at all. You might get absolutely nowhere with it for a while, but then maybe somewhere down the line, if you actually stuck with it, you’ll get the answer or perspective you’re looking for.
I’ve been sitting in silence for about a month now and it was only until yesterday in a conversation that the truth seemed to bubble up to the surface of my mind. I love those moments. I love those moments because it solidifies the truth about patience. If you are patient with things and watch them pan out, eventually they will end up surprising you. This is just something I’ve found to be true in my life time and time again.
As I move into this next chapter of my life, where all of these different things are about to converge at the same time, I’m understanding how much I am going to need time to clear my mind in the midst of absolute chaos. Truth is, I know I am changing like crazy. Sometimes, I don’t even understand really what is going on or what forces are at play. In fact, I don’t even attempt to try. I just let things be and continue to move in the direction that I know is right for me.
“The Path”…something that I used to see clearly for a few years turned into something completely different as I have arrived at this place. You see, for a long time I saw exactly what I wanted in my life and went out and in most cases, grabbed it. But when all of those journeys ended and I arrived at the end of the concrete road…I was confronted with one of the more interesting things that I’ve ever come across.
At the end of the road, you end up stepping out off of the ledge and creating more path each and every step you take. There is no road now. There’s no safe way of doing this. This is completely uncharted territory for me and it’s untouched by anyone else. That is what has been stirring up my soul a bit lately. The quiet that surrounds it really doesn’t come as much of a surprise when I’m writing this now because literally no one is here. It’s a trip looking down and around seeing nothing but emptiness and forging new path every time I step. For the past month I feel like I’ve been taking these steps with some caution…but it’s time to throw all of that to the wind. It’s time to start running.
You never really know what is going to happen…but sometimes you have the sense that something is going to happen. I’m there right now. I’m feeling it deep inside. It’s time to run.
– Evan Sanders