Sometime in the future, I’m going to go into a little bit more depth into what this post is about, but I have some thoughts that I would like to iron out before I do.
Lately, the question that has been popping up into my head is “What does the world want/really need from me?”
What are the gifts that I have that the world really needs? What can I do? Am i doing it? There are many questions surrounding all of this. As I reach the end of my 25th year and look at everything that has gone down this past year, I can really only smile. Yes, parts of this year have been an absolute disaster, but honestly…I couldn’t be ending it in a better way. It took my 25 years to really figure out what I wanted to do with myself…a year spent dreaming big, really going for it, failing big, succeeding big…and landing right where I am supposed to be.
Something was said to me over the past week at school during a session that really struck me. She said to me…”I see you as a eagle…but your caged.” She went on to describe that though the cage may small or even as large as the world, I am caged nonetheless. What is it that I am caged by? This boundary called fear.
I think that’s truly accurate…and knowing that I have many blind spots where I can’t see specific things…I can certainly understand how she came up with this metaphor. Interesting thing is, I’ve never actually had someone compare me to a bird before.
I feel free..but at the same time, I know there are these fears that stop me just short. These are my edges, and boy are they sharp. I’ve gone there many times…and I know what they look like, but I’m really going to have to go beyond them to break this cage.
We talked about wounds. Wounds of old and wounds of new. We talked about how when I get hurt, I hurt bad. It goes deep and because I really do love people unconditionally…the pain feels unconditional as well.
I’ve spent a lot of time throughout the past 5 years learning how to allow my inner light to shine as bright as it possibly can. I’m still learning and am sure that I will continue to learn throughout my entire life. But every single time things get dark, it’s hard. Really hard. Because as much as I have created the possibility for light in my life, there is an equal possibility for the manifestation of darkness. That’s just how life works…balance. So I have to say…I’m still learning ways to really heal. Some of these wounds are deep and I’m continuing to dive into those places with a lot of love and compassion to start the healing process from the inside out.
This journey is endless. Honestly, that’s the fun part. Knowing that it will never end actually gives me strength instead of some worry that one day I will have to figure out what is next. It’s all part of the journey…and that’s liberating as well. Whatever comes next is just another step on the path.
Adventure is out there.
– Evan Sanders