Vapid Flames & Charred Heals

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And suddenly, you begin to believe in the power of starting something new…new beginnings, fresh pages and perfectly splashed black ink everywhere imaginable.

These past couple of days for me have been reflective. Deeply reflective. They had me going back and exploring some familiar territory and getting a better feel for what was going on inside of me. Honestly, sitting here tonight I feel like something has changed. Tension has eased in many different aspects, but overall…things are just powerfully calm. That may sound like a strange combination of words…but for whats taking place – it’s really not.

Things have settled. Things have calmed down significantly. Tonight, I just feel a different vibe out there altogether. I don’t really know what is is but I’m going to run with it. Maybe there’s been a whole lot more of that going on as well. I think part of it is that I crossed the first milestone I had to with my new project and now I have to play a little bit of a waiting game to see what actually happens in terms of results. I have “guarantees” on what I will see…but for this, I will have to see it with my own eyes. I want to see what I am actually getting #’s wise instead of just guessing. I’ve taken the guessing out of this part of the equation and were going to see what this really can do.

New things are coming. Very new things. At the same time, other things are passing. It’s a strange feeling to not be attached to either. There’s excitement yes, but attachment…not really. I guess I’m starting to really understand what “going with the flow” means in terms of what’s happening with my life – what my own direction is and not getting in my own way. I used to be really good at that – getting in my own way. But now, there’s this integration going on that I can’t quite explain too well. There’s a meshing of things…even more like a perfect blending of aspects…that are all coming together in their own time. I catch myself being impatient from time to time with these things…but then just return back to “it’s going to happen at just the right time…right when it needs to happen.”

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Just this feeling…it’s stuck on me like sap.

Quiet.

Calm.

Powerful.

I’ve never had all three together before. I’ve never had that silence be so comforting. I’ve never had the ocean within me so calm…and yet at the same time, so capable of great power. I’ve never really been this dense before and to be completely honest I really like it. That heaviness is keeping me in my place. That heaviness has allowed me to stick with what I’m doing and just have complete and utter faith that everything that is supposed to happen will.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I just know that it’s going to have a different feeling to it altogether. This chapter of my life is about going for it. Really going for it. And I am. I can’t wait to have you see what’s about to happen.

– Evan Sanders

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  • Michelle Brown
    May 30, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Seriously the beginning of this seems like you took right out of my head. Like pulling memories out in Harry Potter. Change is in the air.

    • thebettermanprojects
      May 31, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      I like taking the words out of your head haha 😀 Hope you had a great day!

  • villa12inturkije
    May 31, 2015 at 2:18 am

    Evan…you are a so perfect reflection of what’s goin on inside of me 🙂
    I am getting excited with you.
    Without you knowing it, you’re helping me to see and allow it to feel.. that these 3 words have also come together in my life.

    • thebettermanprojects
      May 31, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      I love that. Thank you for such an amazing comment. It’s going to be fun to show you what happens!

  • Alicia
    May 31, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    I literally just posted something similar (yet shorter and much less poetic) to my blog but struggled to explain my state of mind. Then I read your post and…..YES! You perfectly put into words the surreal place I feel like I’m in. Thanks 🙂

    Good luck to you on your new journey!

    PS- At the Writers Festival last fall in Vancouver, one author made a wonderful reference to going with the flow. Her people believe that in boating accidents, it’s those that can’t swim that survive because they go with the flow instead of fighting the tides. I briefly posted it about it if you want to read a little more (https://thebashfulwriter.wordpress.com/2014/10/26/tvwf2014-who-i-really-am/)

    • thebettermanprojects
      May 31, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      what a coincidence! It’s funny when the vibes are going that way. I love the fact that I was able to get some of the things you were trying to think of on the page and that you found the post! I will check out your writing

  • jesterminute.
    June 29, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    I signed up with word press only so that I could like your posts officially. Hell that goes a long way. I used to write. I used to write all the time. Life has lost me a bit. As I read your posts I feel like I am a bit of what seems to be some previous versions of you. Im not so much a beautiful mess unfortunately. Anyway. I just wanted to say thanks for perseverance. You are on my damn twitter account all day and I must say…the little 140 character limit space helps. I hope to be around more now that Im here and get back to this affair with the pen ✒ .

"raw. electric. a daily shock to the soul."

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