Tonight, with my glass of wine and comfortably sitting in my little red chair, I can feel the winds of adventure flowing through me as they have a couple times in my life.
I’ve been traveling in my humble boat for quite some time without much wind and just the strength of my back rowing the oars…but these days are different, it’s time to finally cast the sails.
I am embarking on the grandest adventure of my life. As with all things that have happened with me, nothing happens at all or everything happens all at once. I guess these past two months have been a prime example of that.
March started the avalanche and April brought out something in me that bloomed. It’s amazing what happens when pieces of you become unlocked and begin to turn inside. As hard as that was at times, I would do it all over again. Sure, moments brought me to my knees, but to sit where I am tonight and to be writing to you with the fullness inside of me…I would have to do it again.
I’ve spoken briefly about this feeling of purpose that has bubbled up in a few of my past blogs, but that small “pop” had more of an effect on me than you could imagine. I have spent the past few weeks working endlessly on something that I know “is it.”
There isn’t something else, another project, or anything beyond this…because this really is it for me. It was everything I ever imagined The Better Man Project to be…a complete amalgamation of every dream that I have had on my dream board, and a way for me to encourage countless amounts of people. There’s still a lot of work to be done, and I am putting everything I have into this, down to the most minute detail, but it will arrive soon enough and I am already proud of what is coming from this.
Yesterday while working on it, my hands were sweating because there is naturally some anxiety going through my veins. In fact, every time I talk to my closest friends or parents about what is about to happen, despite their pure encouragement and support, my hands still sweat. My hands have never been this uneasy…and to think of it…that’s probably a really good sign. My moment has arrived in full and I, despite the implications of what is about to happen, intend to take full advantage of it and to land on the stage with a smile.
The stories I have written of old this morning cast a look at me to let them float off into the wind. To really let them go. They spoke to me as if to say, “there are many grand and exciting adventures to come…it’s time to let us fly.” As someone who writes his heart and soul on sheets of paper every single day, there is naturally a bit of remorse as I let these things go.
But at the same time, there is joy for the room that I am making in my heart to experience what is new and ready for my love. I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen tomorrow…in fact I have been living in a constant state of uncertainty these days, but I have started to fall in love with that.
I am in love with the not knowing of what will happen tomorrow.
For such a long time I projected what i wanted to happen onto the next day and cut myself off from really breathing in what could happen. I know that there is a place for envisioning your future…but I think once you have that in your head of what you would really love to do and what could allow you to fully express your deepest internal gifts, you have to have faith that everything will turn out towards that vision if you stay open and honest with the possibilities in front of you.
Too often we cut ourselves short from falling deeply in love with someone, to experiencing the wide array of the flavors of life, from taking the time to really just let the sand sift through our fingers and appreciate the time we have right now, and to be fully present.
I haven’t tightened my grip on life…I’ve actually just surrendered to what is. I wake up every morning at 4:30am beaming with a type of energy I’ve never had because I am thrilled to create, to make another go at my passions, to talk to the people around me, and to breathe in everything that is offered to me in that day.
I am full, bursting at the seams, living through something different that is separate from every emotion and thought that enters into my mind…and in a state of being lovingly compassionate with my actions.
For the first time in my life, I get to decide…not emotions…not thoughts. Those are just the things that enter (I have no control over those)…but what I do after that? Now that’s where my magic is.
I’m breathing. Breathing deep.
I can feel the wind ready to take me where I need to go. I can’t wait to see what that turns out to be…but honestly, right now, I’m perfectly content in this little chair, glass of wine gone, writing to you tonight.
– Evan Sanders