Layer After Layer, Page After Page

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The discovery of self is by far the most worthwhile journey you will ever take. But it’s a mystery.

Every day we experience new things, drive our feet forward without the knowledge of what is going to come next. And that’s the truth isn’t it? As much as we try to project our plans into the future, we really don’t know what is going to happen next. The greatest mystery novel of all time unfolds in front of your eyes in beautiful color and all we have to do is be in the story. We are the story…and each of us the heroes of the tale.

I can feel the depth inside of me like a endless well that you are thrilled and anxious about tossing a big rock down it to hear just how big of a splash it will make. But this well doesn’t end. By the day, it deepens as I open myself up to discovering this energy I have inside of me. Do I understand it? Hardly. In fact as the days go on, I begin to understand that the layers continue to unfold and the pages of my life continue to fill up. It’s endless.

In the past I had troubles coming back up from these depths in time to meet people. But as my practices have continued, I have found that balancing point of time and place for me to really dive deep down into myself…and to return back to the world with lightness of heart and genuine smiles. The depths is a place for me where I nourish myself. This personal nourishment guided from internal wisdom was lost for the longest of time. Covered up by weeds and dirt, I never really knew that it was there. But as time went on and I began to clean up the area, I discovered something truly amazing.

We all have these things within us. Thing is, we usually lose sight of what our true capabilities are when life begins to life us. That’s just how it is. People get hurt so bad that they end up tarping up the vulnerable sides of them and go into protection mode. It’s a fact that most will do anything – defend, deflect, deny – all sorts of criticism and sense of wrongness because they can’t handle the shame that comes along with making mistakes. We all make mistakes. We make big ones and little ones every single day. It’s up to you, if you really want to live a fulfilled life, to admit to your mistakes and mend the hearts (including your own) that have been affected by your actions / words.

I’ve started to call a big part of story The Consistent Mistake. Maybe that sounds a little bit ridiculous to you, but to me it makes a whole lot of sense because I am constantly making mistakes and course correcting. I take to heart these mistakes and make sure I improve. Sure some of these mistakes may be small, but if you keep your eye on the ball you’re going to be able to grow. That’s really what it’s all about – when you don’t feel like you are growing or moving you feel stagnant, down, and dead.

This growth can be in relationships, friendships, your work, or in your passion. But there must be growth or you’re dead in the water.

Let the mystery of your life unfold in front of you. You don’t have to be so insecure about all of it that you must project some sort of dreamed up reality into the future. You can’t even begin to understand how much life has in store for you until you give up your own thinking of “how it should be.” Oh no…you have to throw that away. Because once you stop rowing towards that island of “it all turns out” you are going to find yourself happy in your boat, with expressions of your deepest purpose naturally driving your direction…in whatever direction that may be.

– Evan Sanders

 

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