I Found Myself When I Went Running For Answers

running for answers

It’s going to be difficult to accurately describe what has been going on with me lately because I don’t even think I can comprehend what is happening. When things seemed to fall apart, a new way opened…and out of that new way I went running for answers – and they all came to me.

A year ago, and I don’t want to get into the details of what happened in this series of dreams because it’s pretty personal to me, I was shown something that changed the course of my life. For a year, I fought with that series of dreams because I wasn’t exactly sure what to believe. I wasn’t sure if it was real, if it was a sign, if I was being sent a message – so I floundered. But as with all things, it cycled back around and delivered itself right back to me when, like I said, I was kicked in the butt when things fell apart. It made itself known. That moment, despite coming out of a rough time, once again, made itself aware that it was there to change my life.

I never quite understood what those dreams were trying to tell me all along until now. These past few weeks have been pretty opening and transformational, but I believe and see it clearly now. I came out of those dreams hands shaking, crying uncontrollable tears of happiness, and with an answer to literally every single question I had ever wanted to know, ask, or even more crazy – questions I hadn’t even know I was going to ask yet.

The answer was this – to soak the world in love.

I started down that path a while ago, but it wasn’t until recently that I started to understand that my purpose, the purpose behind all of the writing here in The Better Man Project and with everything else I have ever done, was to soak the world in light and love. As you could imagine, that’s a pretty big moment when you begin to understand the reason for why you are truly here. Then, as my life always has it, everything started to happen all at once. Things started snapping into place…expressions of my purpose became more and more clear and I started traveling down this amazing and mysterious rabbit hole that drove me to the place where I am now.

running for answers

I am connecting deeply. I am opening massively. I am unfolding like crazy.

My depth in the past had often been a distraction because it was connected to a deeply rooted disconnection from the world around me. What changed? I started to understand that this world around me, the most feminine energy there is – the ever changing and morphing nature of what is – is actually what i need to connect most deeply with. It’s something that I need to fully witness and understand it’s beauty. My disconnection in the past drove me to have a bit of an untrusting attitude and become more of an observer in the stands instead of a player on the field. This being in the stands did allow me to start to express some of the inspiration I had been consumed with, but it’s nothing like the feeling of actually being on the field of life.

So I started to dive into my meditation, into my practices, and into finding ways to continue to expand my deepest desires and gift giving, and pain started to seep out of me like syrup out of a maple tree. Situations came up, I wrapped them in as much love as I possibly could, and I could feel it oozing out of me. It’s an absolutely insane feeling that I have never felt before. Out of my pain, worries and troubles, I have started to be able to transform these stories into tales of love and passion. I have started to become The War Painter – going into this often insane world and being able to deeply experience life without turning it in on myself or turning it out against others…and instead…letting it pass through my filter of light and love and bring a little bit more happiness into this world.

There’s a beautiful transformation going on right now.

I can feel it in my bones. I am changing drastically. I am not changing for the worst or becoming something I am not, but instead, I am becoming everything and anything that I had every felt, known, or dreamed of. It’s a tad bit scary at times, but I can feel myself unfolding like a flower. That opening is allowing me to see things much more clearly, to allow the anxiety, pain, and worry to drip out of me, and to come at situations in a brand new way.

I am beyond grateful for the decision I made to start coaching school, and know that this is just the beginning.

I also can’t wait to help people bring these transformations into their lives as well.

WordPress.com users, I am back. I took some time to evaluate WordPress.org and although customization is a really cool thing, I needed to come back to this amazing community that has supported my work time and time again. I look forward to the comments, and will make a promise to respond back to each and every one of them.

So bring it on. Bring on the unfolding. Bring on the experiences. Bring on the awkward situations and the tough ones as well. Bring on the happiness. Bring on the thoughts and emotions. Bring it all to me. I am ready. I am open. I am fully here ready to experience it all…and tell some stories along the way.

– Evan Sanders

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  • rennydiokno2015
    April 14, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    Reblogged this on rennydiokno.com.

  • safi4775
    April 14, 2015 at 7:01 pm

    Have always loved how you’ve travelled – so grateful, honoured, happy to see the next chapter

    • thebettermanprojects
      April 17, 2015 at 9:39 am

      😀 Thank you for being a part of it!

      • safi4775
        April 28, 2015 at 7:35 pm

        My pleasure! All the very best for the next chapter. Onwards and upwards!

  • sweetpea2love
    April 15, 2015 at 4:45 am

    Evan, what an amazingly beautiful post from you. While, reading the words you typed I could almost see your heart smiling. I am so happy that I stumbled upon this post, because it was needed for me to read.. I needed the gentle loving reminder to not allow bad energy to change the way I feel. Usually, I’m quite good at staying on the realm of happiness, even if it’s work to remain there.. So, from my place in time to yours ~ I thank you

    Take care and happy blogging to ya, from Laura

    • thebettermanprojects
      April 17, 2015 at 9:39 am

      That is such a great comment “I could see your heart smiling.” That really means a lot to me because I know I am coming from a truly authentic place in the writing. I am also very happy to hear that it resonated for you and that it made a difference.

      All the best

"raw. electric. a daily shock to the soul."

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