I want to fall in love.
I promise to never know you – I will learn about you each and every day
I promise to never need you – need you to be anything but what you are
I promise to rock your socks off every day.
– My 3 Commitments, The Better Man Project.
Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I still believe in unconditional love. I still believe in the beauty of matching souls and what happens when you start having that type of love and the feelings it creates when it awakens in your heart. That type of love is seeded in deep vulnerability – being willing to expose yourself and giving people the tools to destroy you completely and having faith that they won’t.
Love is always a work in progress.
Not just the type of love that is romantic, but even the love of others. We come up against our own fears, doubts, insecurities…and the worst part is that we allow the pains of old to mask the amount of love we give now. Unconditional love does not arrive under the condition that you will withhold it for any reason. It’s something to be released…and often it is an uncontrollable force of energy that blossoms from the depths of your heart. When you have the courage to reveal your heart and let it go you explode with life. It’s scary, but isn’t that why we call it a leap of faith?
Those 3 commitments I wrote above are my commitments to the people who I love romantically and the ones who are around me.
Each and every single day, since I’ve made these commitments, I come at life with a curiosity about others…a willingness to drop my judgements about people and accept them for who they are…and to try to bring furious happiness to their lives.
Those 3 commitments are my version of unconditional love and they are things that I absolutely adore bringing into the world each day. As I have been writing here, I have been throwing myself more and more into the words that end up on the paper because if I can make my reader, you right now, feel that you matter in this world, that you are special, and that you are deeply loved by me – whoever you are – isn’t that making a massive impact?
You see I used to think that writing was a static exercise. I would put the words down on the paper, throw some emotion into it, but that would be the end of the experience for me. What I have realized is that the words that land on this paper are living and breathing things.
They have the ability to evoke emotions within people and possible motivate a spark in their soul to move in a direction they wish to. I am becoming more and more grateful each and every single day that I have been given the ability to incite passion, love, joy and resilience in others. It’s a gift…and I look up to the heavens every single day and say thank you for that.
Restricting your love because you have been hurt in the past is doing no one any favors. Lately I’ve been studying a significant amount of zen buddhism and there is a concept in the book that I am reading, one of the major practices, is that we are all connected – there is no you and me there is only “Being.”
The way that the world works in terms of human perception is that we see you and your physical body as a separate piece, but the reality is…we are actually all one.
The conversation obviously goes a lot farther and more in-depth than what I have presented here, but the fact of the matter is that it is such an amazing topic that it’s started to shape my reality in terms of how much I give as a person.
I’ve been hurt many times and I’ve been told many things. There have been a handful of pretty amazing insults that I have received over time about my personality, who I am, and what I am doing at my life (at the current time) and they have in one way or another restricted my ability to just let it all out.
I would get scared that if I did what I was doing, if I arrived with too much passion, if I showed too much emotion, if I delivered exactly what was in my heart that it would scare people away and people would leave me.
Well, those things did happen and it made me fearful of putting myself out there to the world – the exact reason why I landed in a coaching discussion asking for help with becoming deeply vulnerable – because I felt that my connections with others were actually dwindling because of this. Why start new relationships with people if you are only going to scare them away with your passion and enthusiasm? But the flip side of that is…won’t people also love you for your joy and for your ability to spread happiness wherever you go?
That flip side discussion…about being willing to throw all of my unconditional love into the world has become more and more attractive over time.
The past few weeks since I was challenged by my coaches to get in touch with my deep emotions, to allow heartbreak to by my healer, to be deeply vulnerable and seen, and to truly explore the depths of my heart…well, these weeks have brought out a lot of anxiety in me because it is something new. It’s new in the way that I have gone to those places before, but I have only searched within specific avenues and spaces…and avoided all of the other spots in the cave that looked dangerous and scary.
But with the support of a few friends and some great family discussions, I have arrived at a place where I have the resolve to begin.
I am willing to take the jump into the next pit. I swear I was an explorer in my past life because of how much I love being out in the wild going on adventures and the significant development of my personal introspection.
Is there deep amounts of uncertainty right now? Absolutely. But I know that this sweet heart of mine will take me places and spread happiness and love to those it touches – only if I give it the chance to truly express itself without the fear that it will run people away. If it does, that’s okay. I’m not being a bad person. The type of love that I want to give is the kind that brands its mark on the hearts of the people it touches.
People always remember the way that you made them feel…and to be real with you, I want those who are around me to feel my energy and passion, but most importantly feel my deep love for life and what I have to offer. If I can evoke similar feelings in them and help them overcome their personal fears, anxieties, worries, and problems…I know I am living a good life. A fulfilled life.
I’ve ended my war with the world in trying to bash through the barriers and run from situations.
I’ve ended my war with others in preventing myself from sharing my heart. I’m up to something much different these days…and yes the picture is far bigger than what is just here right now – but that’s the point.
That’s why I am here I am deeply convinced – to love like crazy, and to give others the permission to do the same.
– Evan Sanders
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