What You Are Capable Of
You must realize on the most profound level that life is a gift. There is nothing wrong with life and nothing wrong with the material world. If you stop taking things for granted you will be flooded with joy and gratitude all the time. When you have no claims on life, everything becomes a Divine gift capable of sweeping you into ecstasy.
Your greatest gift is your ability to see the spiritual in the materialistic world – to perceive the Divine in the ordinary. The key thing for you to understand is that as long as you are directly pursuing happiness and satisfaction, you will never attain them.
When you give up your willfulness, you will discover the Divine Will. Instead of trying to have power through the assertion of your ego, align yourself with the Divine Power. Instead of me and the world, see that you have a role to play in the world, which, if followed wholeheartedly, could earn you a place of immortality among the great heroes and saints of history.
When you liberate yourself you have the power to inspire others and to be heroic as well, influencing people possibly for centuries. You need to end your war with the world and discover that the solidity, power, and independence that you have been seeking are already here. You are part of your true nature as you are part of the true nature of every human being. When you experience this deeply, you are able to relax into Being, feeling effortlessly at one with the world and with the unfolding mystery of life.
For you to embrace your bigness of heart, you must first gather the courage to reveal it. This requires that you trust in something beyond your own wits and power – and that, of course, requires letting go of many of your fundamental defenses.
You will achieve a degree of greatness on whatever scale you wish to operate – and you will honored and respected as a result. You will achieve a kind of immortality that lifts you to the rank of hero. You are like a force of nature whom others intuitively honor and respect. History records many healthy versions of you who were willing to take a stand for something beyond themselves – sometimes even beyond their immediate understanding – and as much of the enduring good in our world has been achieved through their determination and struggle.
That line I highlighted in blue in the 5th paragraph has really been striking me lately. The “courage to reveal it.” Frankly, I get nervous when this happens because it never really has ended well when I reveal what is truly going on inside. Sometimes I feel like I have to cap it off or play it down because people will think it’s too much to handle.
I’m reaching an interesting point in these decisions – one where I know I have to reveal what is within this heart of mine, two where I know that I can’t explain…justify…downplay…or bring to light why I am this way…I just am, and three I know that with true vulnerability things are not going to workout sometimes. Things will fall apart at the seams as much as you don’t want them to. That’s just the life of it. In fact, that’s just life in general.
Where can we possibly find the balancing point between revealing what is within our hearts – both fire and passion – and keeping people around. What I’ve done the past few years after getting burned time an time again is actually shut myself off from these opportunities because I am afraid of losing people. Let’s be honest, losing people really does suck. It’s one of the hardest things to deal with and you almost feel like you have lost a piece of yourself when someone has gone. A little piece of you just disappeared – maybe that’s why it feels so weird when people come and go.
But I keep coming back to that statement…you must find the courage to reveal it. Because without the courage to reveal it, you simply find yourself hiding from relationships and people – a task that I was very very good at. In fact, I was so good at masking myself from the honest eyes of others that I actually played a character that was very enthusiastic, outgoing, and upbeat. Not that I am not those things, but I have to say I’m not that way all the time. There are many times when I’m a very quiet and peaceful person…who doesn’t need to pump up the energy of a situation because he thinks that’s what will make it valuable and fun for everyone. Instead, I’m beginning to learn how to meet the situation and others where they are at instead of trying to convince them to come to my level.
I keep hearing the word “intense” come up a lot and I really don’t know what to think about it right now…so instead I looked it up.
|synonyms:||strength, power, potency, force; More|
Intensity is a pretty interesting word. But maybe it’s really not all that bad. In fact, I don’t think I can change this part of me, nor I would want to. I think where my intensity brings be back a few steps is when I am in the mode of “I am at war with the world.” Then, that intensity get’s in the way of creating deep and meaningful relationships because I cut myself off from people. But with these things that are going on inside of my heart, I do understand that there is an intensity to the feelings that I evoke and really there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t function on any other level really because it makes me feel like I am not me. Maybe this intensity is something that has been brought out in me after all those years of living under distress and wanting to hide under the covers.
The courage to reveal your heart. I keep saying it over and over again.
I also keep asking myself, “What would that look like?” What would be the type of expression which is purely authentic and full of love. Because honestly that’s what’s in there – lots of love and joy…and my challenge is to open up and reveal it and let the chips fall as they may.
– Evan Sanders