Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
– William Ernest Henley
Unconquerable soul. What does that mean to me?
To me, that means…no matter what, you go on. You never stop chasing that dream. Dreams seem to have something else about them that strikes you deep down in your bones. You’re going to have to walk away from certain situations that aren’t good for you, but dreams are different. Dreams command something deep inside of you like nothing else does. Dreams are beyond powerful. Dreams are one thing that you can kill with inaction, but the roots never truly die.
I have 8 days left. 8 days until a dream comes to life. Every single day I am seeing more and more results and I truly do not know where all of this is going to end up. This week, my peak week, is going to deliver me into the best shape of my life. What’s a little bit surreal about all of this is that I’ve never actually seen myself like this before, and I have absolutely no idea what my final peak day is going to make me look like.
I’m almost to the shore of the place I had envisioned 11 weeks ago. What a journey it has been. For the past 11 weeks I have worked harder than I ever have before and found out things about myself that I will never forget. I felt like I had so much more in the tank, and the answer to that was…I did. I really had a lot more. I was able to find that and now here I am so close to the finish line.
It’s funny when you get to this place because you once saw it so far off into the distance and now here you are. It’s almost a feeling of “I never though I would make it” but deeper down below the surface you always knew. In fact, thats why I keep trying for years and years. I knew I could do it. I knew I could make my world change in front of my eyes if I gave it one good go. If I believed.
The trouble was I didn’t truly believe in myself and therefore I never got even close to what I wanted. But this time I believed. It also helps to have someone believe in you as well. I couldn’t have arrived here if it wasn’t for the help of my trainer. He has walked with me through every single step of the way and I couldn’t have asked for more.
Invictus…unconquerable soul. It’s just perfect. It really is.
I’ve had some rough patches in my life…I think absolutely everyone has. I know I will have many more. But this has changed things. I used to fear these patches because they were always so bad and I knew they were coming. But now, it just feels different. I am on the brink of conquering one of my greatest visions and goals and everything feels like it is changing around me. It’s more of a feeling than a physical change to the reality around me. Although there are physical changes in my body, I guess…I just am seeing through a different set of eyes.
But if we want to take this deeper on another level (which I am always guilty of doing) it could be that my changed body, stripped of years an years worth of crushed dreams and the injustices I have performed against it, is occupying a new space in the world. It’s possible. Everything is moving and changing…maybe I have recreated the type of energy I give off. Anything is possible.
(This is where I took about 6 hours off from writing this post)
7 days tomorrow.
I can’t believe I’m here. Years upon years of wishing and working for this…and I’m here? Like…I’ve made it? It’s just hard to understand right now – so I’m actually not trying to understand it, I’m just working as hard as I can each day and I know that my world will change right in front of my eyes. All I need to do is hold onto the one thing that has helped me arrive here: my belief.
There were a few moments today where I really did stop and appreciate what was going on. Frankly, I never even knew what I was capable of. And as for yesterdays post about having a body that occupies a different type of space and gives off different energy, it’s hard to argue with that idea because of the way that other people are interacting around me. People are smiling and watching…as if waiting to see what I can do.
I just know deep inside of me that this is what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Not fitness – that’s not the passion. The passion is going after dreams – whatever they may be…and helping people achieve theirs as well. This process has changed my life permanently. They say that once your mind has expanded you can never shrink it back to it’s old form. That statement is nothing short of the truth. I can’t wait to see what else I am capable of.
Next Saturday will be one of the happiest days of my life.
Next Saturday, we beach it full bore on new land.
– Evan Sanders