I’m going through changes.
These are some of my favorite lines from an Eminem song unsurprisingly called “Going Through Changes.” But way back then, when I was going through these changes, I was hurting real bad. I was going through forced changes – and not the types you really want to have in your life. The ones that make you into something else and change your situation despite your best efforts. Those are the hardest changes – but they are part of life and the ones we have to accept.
But these changes are different.
You could title this post many things, but awakening would probably resonate the best with the message of this piece.
For the longest time I felt this stress tearing at my from the inside. In fact, there was one person in my life who told me straight up as clear as day that she thought I was “at war with myself.” I was. I was battling myself like crazy. I think the only place where she went wrong was in assuming that I was heading in the wrong direction. You see, it’s the strangest feeling in the world to know that you are meant for more and yet stuck in a prison…held hostage by your mind. The enemy does not need to fight you anywhere else but in your mind. It can and destroy your heart, body, motivation, work ethic, finances, friendships, relationships…and anything else that is controlled by your mind – which by the way…is everything.
Your mind is your most powerful tool you will ever have. If you can convince yourself that you can do something, it can be done. Your mind can power through the grandest obstacles and help dig you out of the biggest holes. You just have to be willing to believe. When you thoroughly believe, then, you will give yourself the chance to use the rest of your gifts to get to work.
But without belief, everything else will fade away.
I didn’t believe things were possible until I traveled down this path. I think for each of us there’s a defining moment where we begin to see with our eyes that things are changing…that they are possible and we can actually achieve what we dreamed of. That moment solidifies our belief, and then we can start to make further and further out gambles with our visions knowing that it is indeed…possible.
Our determination and how we constantly strive to persevere is an indicator of how much belief we hold in ourselves.
Our belief can be damaged and it can also be repaired. We can restore belief through momentum created by actions. Because in this world, there’s nothing else that changes the course of your future like the actions of today. Without them, we are simply stuck in the mud with no way out. That “being at war with yourself” feeling is perpetuated by inaction…and the more you don’t do the worse you are going to feel about yourself.
Sometimes, you just have to go for it.
You have to say…well, I don’t know exactly how and I don’t know exactly how long…but I am making this happen because I know that I can. That’s a lot easier when you have had something in the past where you have accomplished something big and had to run off of faith. It’s easier to look back and go “I did it then I can do it now.” That’s where I am at right now. But it wasn’t always that way. That’s when you have to build something yourself and really create a foundation you can work off of.
That’s the beauty of putting down a solid foundation. The rest of the house can always be rebuilt if it needs to be, but that solid foundation of who you are as a person and what beliefs you have determines how strong you can be when the storm comes.
And trust me, that storm always shows up.
– Evan Sanders