This time of year always makes me think a lot. I think about what I am doing with my life, where I am headed, where I have always wanted to go, and what difference am I making out in the world. This year has brought a lot of those questions to the front lines of my life and I’ve had plenty of time to think about them. The who, what, when, where, why, how has all showed up right on my front doorstep and demanded my attention. I’ve given it some time, and with some of the recent events that are going on even within these past few weeks, I have begun to understand my purpose and where my place is in this world.
Throughout the beginning stages of my life, I’ve had battles with taking my own and serving others. These ideas do not coexist very well together. Taking your own is about going out into the world and grabbing what you deserve and making it yours. That mentality is a type of mentality that has lead to obsessions of materialism, how you look, what people think about you, and what you have. Serving others though – now that’s a completely and entirely different way to live your life. That’s how I plan to live mine.
My service to those around me can start here with my commitment here to this blog. I’ve been going at it for 4 years coming this February and have written every single type of post there is – but I have more. There are never times where I run out of topics to write about because there is always about a million things running through my mind. My commitment level to putting those topics down though is not at it’s best and it’s something I am working on. Part of me really wants to enter back into the days of writing something down every single day – no matter what – and finding my way through those type of methods. They’ve worked incredibly well before – they can work incredibly well again.
Service to others means a lot more to me than writing through. It’s about a way of being and also coming to an understanding that some of the old mentalities do not work anymore. Shutting off around strangers doesn’t work. Being focused more on yourself does not work. What does work however is focusing on how you can positively change other peoples lives and what you can bring to the table. The Mother Teresa quote above is brilliant because it explains something that I have had very hard times with in the past. I’ve often had trouble with people not responding to me, people “disrespecting” me and other things of that nature, but in truth, it’s not me vs those other people anyways. It shouldn’t be about that – but my mentality in the past has made it about that.
I want to make a change.
The hard part in the past has been about giving and not receiving. Seems like Mother Teresa had a few ideas about that. She understood that giving is about much more than the response back. In fact, she believed that giving was about much more than humanity itself. It was about service, and service for a reason.
I’ve decided that I want to travel down that path and give as much as I can give. Maybe it’s the holiday spirit that has brought this to the forefront, but it’s obviously been something that has been on my mind for a while. So here is my commitment out into the world – out loud for everyone else to see.
To loving, nurturing, and giving without expectation.
To not harboring bad feelings, regret, or resentment for not receiving anything back, no matter the gesture.
These are bold statements I know, but my decision is there and there’s never a better time to make a change than right at the beginning of a new year. This is not a new years resolution mind you, but a life resolution. For too long have I spent time battling with these thoughts of why I give so much when nothing comes back. That’s ok…I feel much better when I give anyways.
– Evan Sanders