There are major shifts in the currents of my life right now.
They are not the currents of the events that are occurring with my life but rather deep fundamental changes in the choices of character that I have made. I guess tonight is a bit of a testimony.
Here, I testify.
For me, this project has always and will always, down to its core, be a manifestation of the moods, attitudes, emotions and feelings that are going on in my life and trying to express them in a way where I can turn darkness into light…or just plainly spread light. As the years have gone on, I have written about all sorts of things and seen many changes in how my actions are out in the world.
What I have come to realize is that life is far more than anything the media could ever portray to you, anything anyone could ever tell you, and almost more than anything you could ever understand. Life is about opening yourself to possibilities instead of closing yourself off by thinking you “know” how things are. The reality is, we don’t really know much at all about how all this works. When we give that up, we give ourselves the chance of truly learning…always being in a place of learning…and most of all experiencing the fullness of life.
With that being said, the changes that are going on inside of me are about becoming something much more pure. I realize that my greatest gift is the gift of encouraging others and helping them see positivity in a world full of negativity. However, I myself haven’t always been the grand beacon of living a positive life. In fact, a great deal of the time I am struck with bouts of backwards thinking.
I feel torn a lot in between what I know is right and what I know is easy. I flip flop and feel myself really leaning towards the what is right and there is this massive battle against what is easy. The path and mechanism of change is there and I just need to grasp it…and yet that seems to be the hardest part.
Imagine that you are standing at the edge of a cliff and you know that your potential can only be reached if you jump…and there is a voice that is telling you that you will build wings to fly only when you are halfway down. Wouldn’t that be terrifying? It’s not like you are in a bad place at that point in time, but you have awoken to see another way of doing this life. You understand that your potential lies just beyond your grasp…but you have to take a massive leap in order to achieve it.
That scares me. Honestly.
It scares me because I have asked every question in the book in regards to whether or not I’m insane, hearing things, making things up in my head, if I am doing the right thing…everything and anything in between. It scares me because I know I can stay in the same place which is safe or take a massive risk and go.
This is the biggest challenge that I have dealt with…maybe ever.
But what the hell right? Like why not? If I crash and burn oh well…but if I do it, I will have changed myself, others, and the world. I have to take that leap. I can feel it in my gut…the need to do it. I have to let go of the past to determine my present.
I. Have. To. Jump.
– Evan Sanders