It’s a funny feeling to see the world going on around you, and at the same time know that you are a creating an entirely new reality for yourself.
That sentence, while not ridiculously complex in thought or structure, took me four days to iron out. I was trying to help myself understand what this feeling has been lately, and finally I landed upon my own definition of the reality. What I mean by the world going on around me, can best be described by the man walking up onto the stage to lead an orchestra: he has to turn his back eventually to the crowd.
This path hasn’t been the easiest. In fact, I have less than three weeks left of a journey that has been almost 100 days in its entirety. I have experienced an entire world that I never knew existed before, have challenged myself to the point of tears and have opened myself up the possibilities that have shown me answers to things in one way or another. It has been a journey of faith and courage, two traits that I honestly lacked in before. there had been moments or spurts of these characteristics, but never the consistent flow. It seems that things have turned around.
I believe that it is faith that can overcome all obstacles. It hasn’t proven me otherwise. I understand that with just over 2.5 weeks to go, this is the part where I make a vow to the hard work, to the life that I am trying to create, and to the dreams that I have that will open up after accomplishing this. It’s funny when I think about the end of this journey, because in reality, it is only the beginning. This was the first and second step on the ladder I am trying to climb out of a…hopefully…endless ladder. I want to climb for the rest of my life and continue to see what is possible for myself.
That is what this whole 100 days has been about.
Because while my body has been changing significantly, it is my mind that has undergone the most amount of change. I am developing pride (the real pride), fearlessness, and true integrity. I say true integrity because in the past I have kept my word to others, but I have not kept my word to myself.
That right there, is the most important change that has been made.
I didn’t trust myself fully. The equation was backwards I guess. I trusted other people more than I trusted myself, and for that I was hurt and in pain a great deal of my life. The thing about trusting yourself and your word/actions is that if you actually follow through, you will start to build a very strong spiritual relationship with yourself.
So I make a vow.
It is time to finish this thing.
– Evan Sanders