There are these moments during particular days where I have to be incredibly honest with myself about what I am going through and feeling. I know when it is about to happen because I get this wave of energy from the top of my neck down to my lower back and I feel my mood begin to change. I used to be scared of it . . . the feeling of water almost dripping down my back . . . but in time I have learned how to sit with it.
What follows after is pure stillness. Deep in thought. Numb. I feel truth bubbling to the surface.
It’s not that I am living my life in an inauthentic way. It’s that sometimes we go through life not realizing that there are things under the surface. We think we have fully recovered or have moved on, but in reality there are still pieces to the puzzle than need to be put together. Maybe it is just one piece left, maybe it’s just this moment where you need to sit down and get quiet one last time, or maybe it demands more of your attention.
I’m not exactly sure what last night was asking of me. Sitting on the view watching the fireworks has always been an introspective time for me for some reason. I never really understood it. But the reality of what came during that time was a mixture of nostalgia and a deep dive into my heart.
There’s an interesting balance between moving forward and taking the time, whatever the situation may be, to understand what is going on inside. I think most of the time when someone is hurt and other people recognize it they try to tell that person to pick themselves up as fast as possible and forget the past. This advice, while intended to be helpful, isn’t actually realistic. Because the same person who gave that advice, in the same situation, couldn’t possibly take it.
The best advice you could give is not to forget as fast as you can and blast forward, but to sit with whatever is going on inside. To let it all flow through you. The only way you can truly understand what something actually means to you is by experiencing the aftermath. Maybe last night for me was just an aftershock. When I think about it, it was.
Have an honest moment.
Don’t run or hide from feelings that you would associate as negative. They are life’s way of balancing you out. When you try to block them or manipulate them, you are putting yourself in a bad place. Let life do what it needs to do in order to keep you learning and growing.
When the moment is over, then move forward. Don’t try to change it while you are in it. Something is trying to speak to you. Open yourself to emotions and let them speak reason into your heart.
– Evan Sanders