Those cold whisky rocks clink into the glass. Like syrup it pours. It must be Sunday. A little tradition of mine. Thinking about the past week. Celebrating. Cleansing my head. Looking forward.
This whole writing thing never gets easier – you just get better at it. You become more comfortable in listening to the beat within your chest and what flows from your hands becomes more and more the truth every time you sit down to write. Happiness becomes more profound. Pain from lifetimes of old sifts onto the page like sand through your fingers.
As I get older, I leaner more and more of what people are capable of. I feel like the game always has higher stakes. Every day is a new chance to sit down at the table with players you have no idea about. No clues on tells. Shrouded faces. Steady hands. There are smiling eyes and friendly looks – but at the same time there is a slight uneasiness in the stomach. As time goes on, the disappointments become greater. The pain becomes a little more real. That uneasiness in your stomach, well, it grows…at times.
Today I thought about writing for the first time in a long time. Usually, I just…do it. I don’t think about the process or really dive into why I do it. But today I thought about it and came up with something pretty interesting. I write because it’s my opportunity to reflect on, well, me. What type of man I am being? Who I am becoming…where I am going? But it also gives me the chance to think about what is happening in my life. You know, that 10% of what happens to you. And while the stakes seem higher and higher as the days, weeks, months and years go by – I always find myself sitting at the table.
There have been times I wanted to stop playing…trust me on that. To hide. To run. To shut everything out. Been there plenty of times. But I always find myself back to the table…pondering the type of person I am being. Am I living the bold life I set out to live all those years ago? Am I bringing the highest quality product to the table each and every day? Am I competing with my potential? The answer may surprise you. But it’s the truth. Honestly…
No, I am not. Thing is, I’m trying. The efforts sometimes ebb and flow, but in all I am giving this thing a good passionate shot. Every day I learn a little something, call it a personal life hack on how to become the man I want to be. The goals I have set…they are pretty damn high. Am I the type of person that can accomplish them? Maybe. But that maybe will eventually turn into a yes when I adapt and morph over time. I want to be something great. But more importantly, I want to be someone who someone else looked at and didn’t give up because I didn’t. That would mean more to me than any personal accomplishment.
Life is about sacrifice. Sometimes you have to make the selfish decision. But if you know it’s going to lead you to the best possible version of yourself, then you have to make it. Like I wrote a few days before…it would be committing spiritual suicide to not go after your dream. Every day, attempt to put the best quality product of yourself on the table. You may not do it…but you are pointing yourself in the right direction.
We all lose ourselves sometimes, but if our moral compass is pointing in the right direction, we are going to be more than okay.
– Evan Sanders