The Better Man Project

Moving Past Slammed Doors

Focus on the door that’s shut, or look for those that have opened.

Opportunities present themselves in the face of adversity all the time. In fact, when we fall, it’s much easier to see what we are really made of than when we are flying in blue skies. Life often works like a series of “the next 200ft.” Things can be so foggy at times that you never really know what you are dealing with ahead of what you can see. That’s where faith comes in. Faith is the courage to keep going when you honestly and absolutely have no idea what really is going to happen to you after you complete the 200ft in front of you. Going headstrong into that takes some guts.

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I encourage you to endure. To keep chipping away. Did you know that a lot of the railroad through Sierras…you know those tunnels that the trains go through…were hand pickaxed? Are you kidding me? You couldn’t have paid me enough money to work through the winter, with a pickax, trying to chip through cold granite. Many thought it was impossible. However, the men with the vision continued and it changed the landscape of the United States.

Things could be a lot harder I promise you. I always try to keep that in mind when I am feeling like I am suffering. I look at what I do have and acknowledge it. That gives me a good dose of appreciation. There are many many people in this world who have far less than you do. Suffer for a little while…but then make the choice to do something else with your time.

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Maybe, on that last note, I should say this. There are three different types of people in your life. Confidants, Constituents and Comrades. The Confidants believe in you down to your core. They will be there for you no matter what. They will cry when you cry. They will celebrate when you are filled with joy. They will get in your face when you aren’t being who you are and guide you when you need light. They are to be cherished and held onto no matter what.

Constituents are the people who believe in what you believe. They will stay with you because you believe in the same thing they do. But once they find something that furthers their agenda, they will leave you. If you tell them your dreams, they will go out and try to accomplish them by themselves. The constituents support you though…and that’s why they are there. But always remember, these people will leave.

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Comrades are those who believe in what you are against. They will go to battle with you and support you through war because they believe in your cause. But once the war is over they will move on.

Do not fear though – the Constituents and the Comrades are there for a reason. They support you through your times of need and serve as scaffolding for your life. Once the scaffolding is removed, you are left with the building.

Do not be afraid when people leave. That used to be my biggest fear. But now, I understand when they suddenly go that life was calling them somewhere else and our time was over because I have grown enough. At least, that’s how I look at it. Positive or negative…the choice is yours.

- Evan Sanders

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14 Comments

  1. January 17, 2014

    Reblogged this on The Chronic Storm.

  2. January 17, 2014

    Confidants, Constituents, and Comrades all fall into the phrase “some people are in your life for reason, season, or a lifetime.”

  3. January 16, 2014

    Interesting post and great quotes!

  4. January 14, 2014

    Reblogged this on Two Wizards Fly over Mount Parnassos and commented:
    I so agree

  5. January 12, 2014

    This post really spoke to me. Currently me and my ex are in the middle of a break up, it was completely unexpected. When it happened I was in shock, disbelief, and immediately wanted to beg for him to stay. I acted so crazy, to this day I can not believe that was me. I have been holding on to my past my entire life, and every time someone would walk out of my life, all the pain from all the times I experienced a loss, came rushing down on me. I was way too overwhelmed. If anything this break up has taught me just because one person walks out doesn’t mean they will be gone forever, or that every one you meet will walk away.Thanks for the post it reminded me of what I already know, let the baggage of the past go.

  6. January 12, 2014

    Powerful article on the confidantes, constituents, and comrades. I’ve always held the fear that people will leave, and realize now that I need to hold onto myself, peace and all, and appreciate those who love and go. Thank you for this amazing article, as always, another added wisdom to my heart.

  7. January 11, 2014

    Great and timely words! I feel as though there has been a common thread coming at me this past week (after stating at the New Year, “I just don’t see any signs of hope”). Your comments about faith so pertinent! Faith and hope are so closely tied together. I immediately sought out the poem by Emily Dickinson “hope is the thing with feathers …”
    Thank you for speaking encouragement to my heart!
    Carole

  8. January 11, 2014

    I love your idea of constituents and comrades. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason and a season.
    All in the right place, at the right time.

    Happy New Year.

  9. January 11, 2014

    Evan you always write such wonderful things! I loved the part about constituents, comrades and confidants.

  10. January 11, 2014

    I like this one a lot. I especially like the quotations. They are very good, very inspiring. This is a really very good post

  11. Ves
    January 11, 2014

    Life is simple.
    It has only one rule: “Life is hard”.
    Once you learn the rule then you can appreciate the moments that make it easier.
    -Vegas E. Sundance

  12. January 10, 2014

    A life changing post. Thanks so much!

  13. January 10, 2014

    Superb! I’ve been battling with some of this for the last week or two because yet again, a guy has lost interest for what feels like the millionth time. I finally decided last night, in conjunction with my one-word theme for the New Year (what I do instead of resolutions) of choices, that I have a choice. I can choose to listen to that negative nelly that inhabits a corner of my mind or I can finally choose to really listen to the positive side that when that side has been heard and adhered to, I’ve done well. That’s what I need to do – choose to listen to that positive voice, drown out the negative and move forward. Life is beautiful in that it keeps us moving forward so we don’t have to wallow in the crud. Thanks for helping me keep that positive voice loud and clear for me! :)

  14. January 10, 2014

    Great post brotha, great post. Keep on keepin’ it real.

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