What Makes A Man: That 90% – 10% principle

what makes a man

When I was young I thought you had to hold onto everything you cared about as tight as you could. To think of it, my stuffed turtle Speedy was probably locked in a stranglehold most nights I fell asleep. Being scared of the dark sucked. Combine that with a flowing imagination and you have some interesting evenings.

As I grew older I realized just how little control you really have over life. Things slip and sift through your fingers without your control and you begin to learn what the feeling of loss is like. When you are used to having a grasp on everything, that feeling of having no control can come as quite a surprise. Eventually, songs like Hold On Loosely by .38 Special became pretty relevant.

So life moved on and it continued to teach me some pretty valuable lessons about not holding on too tight to things. I lost my first love – baseball – with no valid explanation. That broke my heart. I lost myself once. I lost an angel. I lost friends. Things just continued to slip – and not because I was destroying anything – but because that was the natural cycle of life. And then, for most of us, we play the guessing game of “what if?” or “why?” But the only thing you gain from asking yourself those questions after something is already done is wasted time.

In some ways examining the past is great. It helps you avoid making the same mistakes in the future and teaches you the lessons you need to learn to live fully in the present. But at some point, you have to put it all behind you and realize that it is just part of your story now. You have to turn the page and inscribe your life on a new piece of paper.

But as a quote lover, I always found refuge in the wisdom of those who came before me and the media I consume today.

what makes a man

This quote from Moneyball put a lot of things at rest for me. “We’re all told at some point in time that we can no longer play the children’s game, we just don’t… don’t know when that’s gonna be. Some of us are told at eighteen, some of us are told at forty, but we’re all told.” 

So what makes a man? Open palms. It reminds me of a quote from an old mentor of mine. “We must hold the people we love with open palms so they are free to fly away – and if it’s right – they will eventually come back to us.” It’s hard to let things go sometimes. You wish they weren’t the way they were or start saying to yourself “it should be this way.” Unfortunately, life doesn’t work on your terms.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

So keeping that in mind, you have two paths to take. You can either be a victim of that 10% or be a champion of the 90%. When we are hurting, we love focusing on how we have been wronged and that we should be treated better. We look at the world as a very mean and dark place instead of focusing on adding to all of the good that is happening out there.

Wherever you go, you will always find negatives. Your mind is naturally inclined to see them. However, if you start shoveling positive thoughts into your head, eventually you can turn things around for yourself. You can beat up that negative emotional Mike Tyson in your head. And to prove that statement is true – just look at his record.

You have the opportunity every single day to feed your mind with positive or negative thoughts. If you are hurting right now, it becomes especially important for you to see the brighter side of life. Because if you don’t you will continue the madness forever. It’s a cycle that is hard to break.

Now I just want to say this before I leave. Open palms don’t mean not loving deeply, laughing hysterically, and passionately doing everything you can to enjoy this one life we have. It means that everything has its time in your life, and sometimes the ticker on one thing runs out faster than you expected. Don’t try to change it. Appreciate it for what it was. Sit back in the sun and think about all the good times you had. Then tip your cap and move forward.

– Evan Sanders

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  • bagelbutt3823
    December 23, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    I’m sure this will be one of those things you’ll roll your eyes at and brush off your shoulder.

    But I think there’s a sort of strange serendipity at the time and way in which I received this email. Seems almost too coincidental, no?

    What do you think, my sweetest of hearts? My biggest loves of loves. Benjamin. When I say that I mean it.

    I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.

    I can only hope I too bring you that as well.

    Xx Lovingly your right hand (wo)man Zaza

  • Pink Ninjabi
    December 23, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    You know, you should really list your top 20 or 10 movies that have inspired you. I’m definitely going to watch Moneyball right now, and as a quote lover myself, your article again is timely about what I need to make right this New Year. Thank God we are naturally inclined to negative thoughts, I thought it was just me. I will definitely need to shovel more positive ones, and might just look for a mini shovel to remind me of this daily. Also, loving with palms open definitely hits the nail on the head with what I have been trying to explain to myself this past while. Without constraint or possession, when the opportunity to love presents itself, I find it helps to show affection beyond labels. Thank you so much for this gift of your soul in writing, many of us benefit and keep in our hearts the wisdom shared daily.

    All the best to you in the New Year!


  • tywood12
    December 23, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    Reblogged this on My New Life.

  • fitnessllama
    December 24, 2013 at 4:20 am

    I cannot even begin to describe how relevant I find this post to be to my life and how in three short minutes it has change my whole outlook on a difficult situation in a much more positive direction. Thank you very, very much for writing this!

  • qishuenisnotcreativetoobad
    December 24, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    Reblogged this on lights will guide you home and commented:
    🙂 this is such a great thing to read especially at this point : ) reminded me of ‘when loves arrives’ : )

  • minerva
    December 27, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Love, love this♥
    Thank you for sharing your warm words of courage and heart. Do take good care and stay precious, too 🙂

  • minerva
    December 27, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    Reblogged this on Pilgrim Soul in You and commented:
    Great words of heart and courage♥