Like A Stone Wall

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In the first battle of Bull Run, several Confederate units fell into panic as the battle was raging on. Thomas Jackson, a brilliant general who was known to inspire courage in his troops pointed to Jackson and said, “There stands Jackson like a stone wall!” This call to action rallied the troops and urged the men to gather their courage to regroup to fight on.

Yesterday I was on the verge of  tears all day. It hasn’t been easily lately. I’ve been under a lot of pressure and everything seems to be piling up all at once. It’s tough. Real tough. I had this urge to just run earlier…and then somehow Stonewall Jackson popped into my head. “There stands Jackson like a stone wall!” I just kept repeating that in my head. Things could be a lot worse. Bullets could be zipping around you…you could be unprotected on a horse…and yet – somehow that man found the courage to stand up to great adversity.

I pull courage from stories like these. There have been great people in the past who have performed massive acts of courage. It’s not that they weren’t afraid – of course they were fearful. But it’s that they had something inside them that allowed them to get over that fear. They had that little extra thing…some call it belief…purpose…resolve. You can call it whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is…it’s there.

I’ll tell you right now, I’m lost. I feel more lost than I have ever felt before. I don’t know which path to take or even which direction to go in general. I’m 100% clueless.

Lost in the mud, but trying to stand strong.

– Evan Sanders

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  • Reply
    Nancy Pilling
    December 13, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Hi Evan,

    Sometimes we get caught up in the machine and lose our way. It’s part of human nature. We think its about us, when it really isn’t. Learning that lesson can sometimes hurt.

    A few years ago I began to pursue my authentic truth. What I realized that so many of us do is parrot each other. We see a look, a lifestyle, a vision that belongs to another and we want it for ourselves.

    We work our asses off to achieve the attributes we believe will make us happy and successful only to find when we get there, it’s not at all what we expected or wanted for that matter.

    Finding your authentic truth is not an easy task because you have to deconstruct a lot of things you held true.

    You’re young Evan. Take this time to really look at yourself. Find out why you consider yourself lost at this juncture. Is the pressure that you are placing on yourself what you think people expect of you? And why are you placing this much pressure on yourself?

    Life isn’t a performance. Act 1 can be spectacular, does this mean that Act 2 must top it?

    Life is about finding balance and looks different for all of us. And sometimes when we’ve deconstructed ourselves and are at our most vulnerable is when we will learn the most.

    Be well.

    Nancy

  • Reply
    Shoes Summerfield
    December 13, 2013 at 12:26 pm

    Evan,
    Nancy gives some good advice here. Deconstructing is painful at times and can leave us feeling incredibly exposed, cold and afraid. Take a good deep breath and realize that many who face the fears that present themselves don’t necessarily get ‘over’ them, but push through in spite of the fear. That’s the courage. As a firefighter/emt who happens to be ‘not so comfy’ with high places; I find I must still climb the ladders. It isn’t something I got over where I woke up one day and was no longer afraid of heights. Every time I step that second foot on a ladder I have to breathe and push on just the same. (and hey, let’s not even talk about the claustrophobia…lol!)
    I don’t know a lot about your situation, but it sounds like you’re in a ‘transition’, which isn’t a bad thing at all. Use this time whether it be introspectively or otherwise, to continue building the ‘better man’ You’re already courageous my friend…for holding your ground when you want to run, for standing strong, whether it’s in the mud or on concrete. Many times it’s the standing that takes the most courage. Keep up the good work, and the good posting.
    Nancy’s also right in what she said about life not being a performance. In my opinion, no matter the Act (I, II or III) all look spectacular when we’ve the luxury of turning around to look at them from farther out.

  • Reply
    magmap
    December 13, 2013 at 1:25 pm

    They come in waves, sometimes knocking us down. It will get better my friend, just keep on truck’n!

  • Reply
    Doris
    December 13, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Evan you are human and we all go through ups and downs you need to embrace it, like Nancy said you are putting to much pressure on your self, we often do, I know I do it all the time, here is a quote I have on my interest…

    Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder and not obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best.

    that faith is withing you I knot that for a fact, keep your faith things will change you will see

    P.S. when I am felling like that I put my favorite song and dance like crazy I don’t know why but it helps like my energy changes

    also, there is an Irish proverb that I like too..a good laugh and long sleep are the two best cures for anything.

    take care sending you blessings 😉

  • Reply
    sweetpurerity
    December 13, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Evan be still and listen to where your heart directs you….You will find direction….

    • Reply
      evelyneholingue
      December 13, 2013 at 4:16 pm

      It is a beautiful advice, Sweetpurerity.
      Evan, we are all lost at some point but eventually we find our way. Best to you and thank you for being so open with us.

      • Reply
        sweetpurerity
        December 13, 2013 at 7:44 pm

        You are so very welcome:) and yes sometimes we are at a lost sometimes for a month or even years until we really be still and listen to our heart….
        I myself had been at a lost for many years……until I was still and decided to feel with my heart and I have never been happier with the decision I have made.

    • Reply
      animatingyourlife
      December 13, 2013 at 5:49 pm

      Great advice. Simple wisdom. Love it.

  • Reply
    ultracoolclub
    December 13, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    Great stuff, Evan.

  • Reply
    missaila15
    December 13, 2013 at 3:54 pm

    Reblogged this on enthusiasticallyoptimistic and commented:
    The Secret of Change
    I always find myself different everyday I wake up, someday I feel extraordinary awesome, somday I lost my motivation. Guess I should know where to focus my energy right before I start my new day.
    Another great post rebloged! 🙂

  • Reply
    Karl Barrett Landscape Architect
    December 13, 2013 at 4:05 pm

    Reblogged this on CREATIVE URBANITE.

  • Reply
    lkwinders
    December 13, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Reblogged this on lifesatightrope.

  • Reply
    cross(stitch)yourheart
    December 13, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Thank you for posting this. I just started a new job and its won wonderful, dream job wonderful. But it’s also stressful and I’ve been having days I just wanted to go home and hide in a blanket. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone

  • Reply
    MrCALeach
    December 14, 2013 at 2:34 am

    Thanks Evan good post man! And to everyone else that gave advice awesome 😉 good old fashion positive guidance 🙂 that’s what it is all about keep it up.!! Keep on truckin Evan keep on truckin 🙂

  • Reply
    M. R.
    December 14, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    There’ll be a time in the not-too-distant future when you look back and think “It was pretty vile … thank heavens it’s over.” You’ve obviously got a lot of internal resources to call on: there was never a better time! Something about exposing your innermost self to the world that helps you understand it, eh? – I did that in writing a book. Hope your difficult time is already done ….

  • Reply
    tchistorygal
    December 16, 2013 at 10:33 am

    I can identify with you. Maybe it was the weather! I felt the same way last week. Now it’s a new week, and Stonewall still stands to inspire folks.

  • Reply
    hoboduke
    December 24, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    When things seem bleak, and it’s easier to despair than to hope, then stand strong. The problems and black clouds are real, but we can laugh and say “I’ve been through worse! FORWARD!”

  • Reply
    ljlenehan
    December 28, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Once it is not quicksand you will muddle through… xo

  • Reply
    Jaclyn Katerina
    December 30, 2013 at 8:17 am

    Great post! I completely agree!

  • Leave a Reply

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