The world needs better men.
I sit here mashing at the keys in no way a perfect man.
“But I digress. This blog is my 30 day attempt to break all the bad habits I have ever had. Each day, I will go through one thing that I believe that is crucial to my development as a man, and hopefully along the way, you will get something out of it too. I have always wanted to write down the things that matter to me most. Trust me, I’ve been through hell. I can show you vouchers. But there is something very calming about being able to look back on the times when you thought you weren’t going to make it out alive and realize that you did. When I was going through the worst of it, someone once told me “God only gives you as much as you can handle.” This one phrase kept me fighting for the duration no matter how tough it was…because I knew, that this was my test, my challenge, and I had to get through it.”
Those words above were the words that began it all. And here I am, just over 1,000 days of this project in…and I am going to say them again. I sit here mashing at the keys in no way a perfect man.
It is interesting for me to look back on it all. The hours spent at the keyboard. The lessons I have learned. The things I have accomplished. My failures. You might think it would be a blur, but instead, it is all almost crystal clear. If you picked out a post and asked me about it, I would be able to tell you exactly what it was about and what was going on in my life at that time. I’ve always had a visual memory, so going back in time really has never been that difficult for me. However, being able to unravel your mind like a movie reel has its downfalls. Things often come back to haunt you in vivid color.
In recent times I have looked at this project (and this is dead honesty here – hard to admit this) as a bit of a right. What I mean by right is that it is always going to be there and I can do with it as I please. That really isn’t that attitude that kept me writing, or even helped me start in the first place. I started writing to save my life. Straight and simple. It wasn’t a right, it was a privilege to come and sit down every day and pour my heart out and talk about what I had learned as a developing man. I didn’t take it for granted. Somewhere far far down the line that changed. Not entirely, but there was a little hint in there of “you can take a day off, look at what you have created.”
And yet, there is that battle that goes on inside that urges me to write because I know, like I said before, in no way am I a perfect man. There is a lot to be worked on. A lot. So here I am being vulnerable, one of the first lessons I had come across when I started writing. And here I am looking a bad…and not being scared to. I love this project, I really do, and I am going to start appreciating it more. Because it is not a right. One of my philosophies is to never take anything for granted. That itself came through this project. Yet, I took this project for granted.
So, I am going to challenge myself. I am going back to the beginning. Back to why I started. Maybe I can do it with some better writing, but hell, let’s take it all the way back to its roots.
– Evan Sanders