On The Beauty Of Women

Before I start this, I want to make something clear.

This post is not coming from a man who has had an easy time his whole life with women. In fact, I have had my heart broken more times than I care to admit.

I have shed tears, been betrayed in the worst of ways imaginable and have been made to feel unimportant, almost to the point where I thought I didn’t exist. And even through all of this, I can still put my heart on the line for women because I believe in one fundamental reality.

Women are beautiful.

A few years ago, one of my best friends sent me an article he had found on the internet and asked for my thoughts.

So I opened it up and read the first line and here’s what it said…

“I’m just gonna come out and say it: I love insecure women.”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and continued reading on for the next 10 minutes. After I finished, I shut my computer screen  and sat there with my hands over my ears and closed my eyes. In those moments I sat there thinking, I took a brief trip to my past to attempt to give this unknown man who had written one of the most hate filled articles I have ever read the benefit of the doubt, and to try to understand if there was any truth in his obvious anger.

Aristotle once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

So I entertained his assertions for a few minutes and began to feel this emptiness inside of me. Everything was cold. And of course when you read hate, you feel that inside.

His following conclusions are what made me feel sick to my stomach.

Most girls have done nothing to deserve self-esteem

Insecurity is integral to femininity

Women don’t want to have high self-esteem

When I was a very young boy, my grandfather sat me down, one of the handful of times we talked one on one, and said, “Evan, you make sure you treat the women in your life well. And if someone hurts your loved ones, you make sure they never do that again.”

I can hear his words echoing in my ears right now. Maybe that is why I am writing this piece, not because a woman in my life was attacked. No, because I feel like every woman in the world was attacked by generalizations, unfair judgements, and shallow absolutes. So here I am, a young man who wears plenty of scars from the opposite sex, writing down what I truly  believe. And I will say it again.

Women are beautiful.

Some of the most meaningful, trustworthy, passionate, vulnerable, loving friendships and relationships I have had and still have are with women.

In fact, I know for certain that if it wasn’t for a few select women in my life, I probably wouldn’t be here.

My relationships with women have taught me how to dive into the emotional side of my heart, how to be gentle in a world that is incredibly rough, how to take care of another, and most of all how to deeply and passionately love others.

These relationships have helped me grow into the type of man  I can be proud of. It doesn’t matter if many have come and gone, or if the relationships ended poorly for one reason or another. The important thing is that I learned – from some of the best people I know or have ever known – how to be an authentic and caring human being.

Are there women in the world who are insecure and have self-esteem issues? Absolutely.

Are there men who have the exact same issues? Of course.

Because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter if you are male or female when you are looking in the mirror and the negative side of your mind is out of control telling you that you’re too fat, you’re not pretty enough, your eyes are too far apart, or that you don’t have glowing skin.

Your gender doesn’t truly have a say when the negativity spreads throughout your life like a virus and you become filled with anxiety, depression, and fear.

Every person on this planet battles with the same issues. Are there some issues that happen specifically to a woman more than a man and visa versa? Once again, absolutely.

But every human being has felt insecure, worthless and pathetic. That is a part of life. These emotions are at the opposite end of the spectrum where happiness and joy spend their time. And to experience one you must experience the other.

Life is incredibly balanced. It gives you a taste of feeling horrible about yourself so you can truly experience the warmth in your heart when you are living in the present and enjoying the path you are on.

Our greatest joy comes from deeply loving others, male or female, gay or straight, short or tall, fat or skinny.

It’s about seeing someone as exactly who they are and who they aren’t, and learning to love an imperfect person perfectly. Light comes from being vulnerable with people, by trusting in the goodness of their hearts, and by giving yourself to your family, your friends, and to your significant other.

Life is not a male vs. female issue.

It is in fact a person to person dance. I think we have lost sight of that. We have lost sight of the fact that our world is special because it is filled with unique individuals who all have the capacity to love one another deeply and to shine light in places of darkness.

I’m no fool, I know that there are people in the world that do terrible things to others and hurt people deeply.

However, we can’t make generalizations about an entire gender, or race, or anyone type of people for that matter because we happened to have certain events occur throughout our lifetime that has caused us to close our eyes to what’s truly possible in this world.

Our life is not the life of others.

If we continue to focus on what makes us different we will never be able to relate to each other.

The exact same event will never happen in the exact same way to two people…ever.

But if we decide that it is more important to feel empathetic towards others and to connect with them on the level of the soul, that is where the true magic happens. That is how relationships are built, walls are broken down, and love infectiously spreads into the deepest darkest cracks of this earth.

The choice is yours: to love or to hate.

It’s the most fundamental choice you can ever make.

I choose love.

-Evan Sanders

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  • joeyfullystated
    November 19, 2013 at 9:04 am

    There are plenty of people who will read that article and enjoy it. I pity them, and hope they don’t have daughters.

  • Chocolate Covered Race Medals
    November 19, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Always choose love!

  • ChaosandOrder
    November 19, 2013 at 9:09 am

    You are a beautiful person. Thanks for choosing love.

  • sarijj
    November 19, 2013 at 9:09 am

    Evan, true beauty sees and appreciates the beauty all around. You are a beautiful man. Thank you for the post.

  • Smash
    November 19, 2013 at 9:22 am

    You’re so wonderful Evan. Keep putting all the love you have out into the world and one day, you’ll find that love mirrored back from the person who is right for you. 🙂

  • Brigitt´s Lounge
    November 19, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Excelent article, as usual! Keep the good work! Always choose Love! 🙂

  • teburley
    November 19, 2013 at 9:37 am

    Love this! I read (or more like started to read…) that article last week. I couldn’t even come up with a response I was so dumbfounded. Thank you for this wonderful post! 🙂

  • thisistilly
    November 19, 2013 at 9:49 am

    I’m with you on this one. No matter what life throws at me I will always still believe in love and loves ability to conquer all.

    Beautiful article.

  • ravitejatadimalla
    November 19, 2013 at 9:53 am

    Women are beautiful beings, indeed.

  • JC
    November 19, 2013 at 9:58 am

    Heartfelt! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Great post!

  • samuellimata
    November 19, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Reblogged this on Stuck on a Smile .

  • teasatisa
    November 19, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Reblogged this on Whorled in a whir and commented:
    “If we continue to focus on what makes us different we will never be able to relate to each other.”

  • klove
    November 19, 2013 at 11:05 am

    And we Love you too!
    XxxMwaaaahhxxx
    KLove

  • sherayx
    November 19, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Reblogged this on SherayxWeblog.

  • rheath40
    November 19, 2013 at 11:58 am

    A terrific piece my dear. I wish more men and women felt this way about themselves and each other. We are perfectly imperfect.

    Love, Renee

  • Reneé Stephanie
    November 19, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    This was definitely a joy to read I appreciate what you have to say 🙂

  • bluebeadpublications
    November 19, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    This was beyond beautiful.

  • blondinbrille
    November 19, 2013 at 1:08 pm

    Very beautiful and memorable. Thanks for a wonderful read.

  • Siobhan
    November 19, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    I love this post Evan, what was your friend’s response?

  • rumadak
    November 19, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    Agree completely and absolutely with every word in this beautiful post..you pen down your thoughts so well..Kudos to that 🙂
    I believe everyone is beautiful in his/her own way..n beautiful relationships enhances it. And, yes all the most beautiful relationships existing are between a male and female..whether it is father-daughter, brother-sister, partners or just good friends…
    After reading your post, I feel beautiful today and I hope I can spread it to someone else’s life too!
    Thanks for writing this!

  • Ann Catherine
    November 19, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    Wow… I am amazed you are able to keep such an open minded friendship with an individual who is obviously (at least in this area), the polar opposite of you! Me, being a tad on the extremist side when it comes to women’s issues and identity, felt the flames fanning when i read about the “deserving” and that to be feminine you must be insecure.

    My first thought was, “What an _______”, but then I had to remind MYSELF about judging, LOL! Women may not typically be as physically strong as men, but it is well known that mentally and emotionally women are biologically more resilient, which your friend is obviously in no way, shape, or form clued in on. We are wired differently for a reason, and in healthy cases, balance one another out.

    (I personally think your friend needs an in-person crash course In Women, perhaps at your local feminist weekly meeting place 😉

    As always, great post. I admire your perspective and am very glad you are influencing both men and women in a highly positive way through your writing. I think for many woman, your thoughts help to renew faith and/or redeem man through a woman’s eyes.

    Kudos to you, and keep up the good work!!

  • aliesimpson
    November 19, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Is your aforementioned friend by any chance single? I’m willing to bet that insecure women, and women in general for that matter, don’t love him.
    Great post <3

  • aliesimpson
    November 19, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Reblogged this on Alie In Ponderland.

  • Ardith Laverne
    November 19, 2013 at 3:24 pm

    Reblogged this on Ardith Laverne and commented:
    Tuesday thoughts via The Better Man Project.

  • thewondermya
    November 19, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    Beautiful !

  • nyamahiro
    November 19, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    Nice

  • joshuadragon
    November 19, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    Men should elevate women, husbands must elevate their wives.
    They are unique.

  • mutziii
    November 19, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Love makes all things beautiful, so I’m with you, I choose love! 😀

  • TabithaLHeath
    November 19, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Reblogged this on Call Me Tabs and commented:
    I read this article about how a man “loves insecure women.” Your words are beautiful and inspiring. Thank you.

  • Djoo
    November 19, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Evan, you’ve laid out your heart on this platform and done it so beautifully. I had a smile on my face when I read it. Yes there are horrible people in the world but to have your faith and optimism, such a thing to cherish. You’re special.

  • sampurnasengupta
    November 19, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    You are amazing! We need people like you! I am almost hypnotised by your writing. So honest and so kind. God bless your soul. 🙂

  • prized1
    November 20, 2013 at 12:22 am

    Reblogged this on Prized1 and commented:
    A beautiful piece worth your time 🙂

  • journeyofmythoughts
    November 20, 2013 at 1:15 am

    Reblogged this on journeyofmythoughts and commented:
    What more can i say!
    I would say, loving people is not a choice to me. It was the path to me.
    I do not mean that people do not hurt me or i don’t hurt people. I am human and both of these things happen to me.
    But at least after that moment passes away, i think. I recheck if i am wrong. I try not to replicate the same if it was a mistake on my part. If i am not wrong, i choose not to think more about it as there is no point in remembering something bad when you cannot remember the cause for long.
    Yes, i always tend to forget the reason and those arguments a fight contains. I see no meaning in deciding to hate a person or deeds of a person when you do not remember the “Why” in the first place. Sometimes i even feel that i am blessed to have such short memory with certain bad memories.
    And if it was a choice, i choose to love someone instead of hating or judging or generalizing my opinion for them when i know nothing about their side of the story, their struggle and their real life. Life gives us enough chances to love someone, to respect them for what they are and to live happily. What is the point in hating someone or throwing a mean generalized opinion at them just to hurt them!
    One more master piece BMP. Just the best, straight from the heart. I just couldn’t stop myself from re-posting.

    Love
    Sahasra.

  • ShethP
    November 20, 2013 at 2:47 am

    I really enjoyed reading this… Beautiful post! 🙂

  • jayabhartiya
    November 20, 2013 at 6:04 am

    really wonderful … i have written something on this too please refer the linkhttp://jayabhartiya.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/why-only-fair-is-lovely/

  • betht160
    November 20, 2013 at 6:55 am

    This Is exactly what I needed to read after what I’ve been reading this morning on a ridiculous site called “returnof kings.com”… this post is a great pick up and its clear you have (unlike the other site) have a very sensitive and open minded way of seeing the opposite sex. I salute you! 🙂 Best wishes.

  • Twisted Spinstre
    November 20, 2013 at 8:19 am

    Beautifully written. Your grandpa taught you well. Thank you for sharing – us gals appreciate it.

  • Twisted Spinstre
    November 20, 2013 at 8:21 am

    Reblogged this on Twisted Spinstre and commented:
    This is beautifully written from the heart. I love men who can think this way.

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  • Delilah
    November 20, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    This made me feel beautiful! Wonderfully crafted and penned straight from the heart. Very insightful…thought provoking. Loved it!

  • Susan Irene Fox
    November 20, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    Thanks, Evan. You made my day.

  • roshnikrish
    November 20, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Life is not a male vs. female issue. It is in fact a person to person collaboration.– that is a great realization, loved the post and the way you see the world…Thank you..:)

  • ozusco007
    November 20, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    nice drawing a picture of a few of the diametrically opposed parallels

  • Elizabeth
    November 23, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    I hope you don’t mind if I share this with a group on Linked in…It has some important points. Well written as always and Thank you for it.

  • guidedmissile
    November 25, 2013 at 3:55 am

    Reblogged this on sampath and commented:
    I am nt sure If I can take more pain into my life, but I guess I have to learn to live with this,.

  • guidedmissile
    November 25, 2013 at 3:58 am

    Congrats – you have choosen what to do.

  • taravm
    November 27, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    Reblogged this on The Sun's Gonna Rise and commented:
    This is the difference between a Man and a Boy xoxo

  • Kim B
    December 1, 2013 at 8:20 am

    This is beautiful!

  • Kim B
    December 1, 2013 at 8:21 am

    Reblogged this on Kim's Random Thoughts.

  • atikahamalina
    December 2, 2013 at 3:47 am

    Thank you for this. Thank you for the love and hope. 🙂 <3

  • Black ' n Write Reviewer
    December 2, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Reblogged this on The Book Notes Project.

  • Black ' n Write Reviewer
    December 2, 2013 at 8:54 am

    Wow. This is awesome! And rings true through and through. I hope one day who ever wrote the original article that provoked this piece one day learns that women come in all shapes, and you’ll have some that are over-bearing Feminists who think men shouldn’t even be part of the equation, and then there are the meek but ever talented stay-at-home wives who make business women look uneducated bigots. I’m just saying that women with insecurities is just one of the many flaws that we possess, but that doesn’t always stop us from being amazing.

  • Ms. Vee
    December 6, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    This is an amazing piece of writing. I feel wonderful after reading this on a dreary day. Your grandfather taught you well. Thank you for sharing this.

  • conqueryouremotions
    January 13, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    This post is very well said. People these days are too quick to judge and a lot of people make generalizations. The world needs more people to see through things like you do. People lack that “person to person” connection due to their insecurities, fears, or their past. Myself included, I have never had a strong male figure in my life, and all my past relationships have not ended well. I used to think men just were against me but I have realized that I was wrong for making the assumption and that not every man is the same. Thanks for this post and I couldn’t agree more with your way of thinking!

  • genxrabbitink
    January 16, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    First, I want to say thank you for following my blog, RabbitInk. It’s what led me to your blog.

    Second, thank you for this: “No, because I feel like every woman in the world was attacked by generalizations, unfair judgements, and shallow absolutes.” As a woman who is oftentimes subjected to unwanted sexual comments and overall disrespectful treatment simply because of my sex, I (and millions of other women, I’m sure) agree with you. It angers me that people can have such ugly assumptions of women, but it’s refreshing to know that you are not one of these people. Thank you for the beauty of your words.

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