I’ve never really put this down on paper before because I really didn’t know what to say. I guess I can start by telling you that there are only a few things that can drive me to the bar armed with my notebook and pen in hand. Most of the time it’s because of love and the desire to celebrate a deep internal happiness. But every so often, there is a pain that is felt and the combination of the flowing cursive on the all too familiar paper with the sweet burn of whiskey down the back of my throat soothes my limping heart.
It was in the absence of love that I learned the true importance of love itself. Every once in a while I am reminded of it’s fleeting ways and there is an inescapable feeling that lands itself deep inside of me. It comes in all shapes and sizes and at the most unexpected times…but in all the darkness that comes with it is pitch black. It was Jung who said, “The brighter the light the darker the shadow.” When it arrives, light becomes difficult to see at times.
It’s painful. In fact, it flows over me like heavy curtains that have been let out for the first time. The thing is, to be able to have a completely balanced capacity for overwhelming joy you must also experience the opposite. You must become familiar with the dark of dark that many know is there but would sacrifice almost anything to avoid it. I used to sacrifice – trust me. And as bad as it can be at times, I know that I have to sit with it and allow it to pass. I have to acknowledge its presence or else it will only grow inside.
This feeling comes from a long way back…many times we have shaken hands. It’s scary – the fear of rejection or inadequacy is huge – you get nervous no matter how confident you are…the list goes on. But feeling not good enough for others can be heartbreaking. Because you want to love and be as passionate with people as much as you can and to be given that chance and then have it stripped from you almost recklessly is one of the worst tricks that life can play.
So it has once again become clear to me that it is truly my purpose to make people feel as loved as possible. Because without it, we forget that how much we love others is a direct reflection of how much we care for ourselves.
This feeling will pass…and truth will stay: one love
– Evan Sanders