In The Dark

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I’ve never really put this down on paper before because I really didn’t know what to say. I guess I can start by telling you that there are only a few things that can drive me to the bar armed with my notebook and pen in hand. Most of the time it’s because of love and the desire to celebrate a deep internal happiness. But every so often, there is a pain that is felt and the combination of the flowing cursive on the all too familiar paper with the sweet burn of whiskey down the back of my throat soothes my limping heart.

It was in the absence of love that I learned the true importance of love itself. Every once in a while I am reminded of it’s fleeting ways and there is an inescapable feeling that lands itself deep inside of me. It comes in all shapes and sizes and at the most unexpected times…but in all the darkness that comes with it is pitch black. It was Jung who said, “The brighter the light the darker the shadow.” When it arrives, light becomes difficult to see at times.

It’s painful. In fact, it flows over me like heavy curtains that have been let out for the first time. The thing is, to be able to have a completely balanced capacity for overwhelming joy you must also experience the opposite. You must become familiar with the dark of dark that many know is there but would sacrifice almost anything to avoid it. I used to sacrifice – trust me. And as bad as it can be at times, I know that I have to sit with it and allow it to pass. I have to acknowledge its presence or else it will only grow inside.

This  feeling comes from a long way back…many times we have shaken hands. It’s scary – the fear of rejection or inadequacy is huge – you get nervous no matter how confident you are…the list goes on. But feeling not good enough for others can be heartbreaking. Because you want to love and be as passionate with people as much as you can and to be given that chance and then have it stripped from you almost recklessly is one of the worst tricks that life can play.

So it has once again become clear to me that it is truly my purpose to make people feel as loved as possible. Because without it, we forget that how much we love others is a direct reflection of how much we care for ourselves.

This feeling will pass…and truth will stay: one love

Goodnight

– Evan Sanders

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  • Dexter_Ethan
    July 15, 2013 at 9:51 am

    I could not agree more. Life in itself requires a balance, and both highs and lows will come across our paths before such a balance can be reached. And if this is all I knew “sweet burn of whiskey down the back of my throat soothes my limping heart.” we would already be on the same page. Keep moving forward man.

  • jennigetsit
    July 15, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Anyone who has lived, loved and lost harbors a bit of the residual pain and darkness in his soul. Many writers have grappled to express the breadth and depth of these difficult emotions, some with more success than others. I am impressed you were able to do so with sheer eloquence,using so few words.
    Great writers choose their words very carefully. It is an art. You my fellow writer are an artist extraordinaire!

    • thebettermanprojects
      July 15, 2013 at 9:57 am

      you made my day with that comment.

      • jennigetsit
        July 15, 2013 at 10:09 am

        Glad I could do that for you, Your words made my day! THANKS!

        Anyone who has lived, loved and lost harbors a bit of the residual pain and darkness in his soul. Many writers have grappled to express the breadth and depth of these difficult emotions, some with more success than others. I am impressed you were able to do so with sheer eloquence,using so few words.
        Great writers choose their words very carefully. It is an art. You my fellow writer are an artist extraordinaire!

  • jeejee
    July 15, 2013 at 10:25 am

    Beautifully said

  • Tienny
    July 15, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Evan, thanks a lot for this article 🙂

  • |{3ÑZ!3
    July 15, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    Doing things with purpose is a great start. Start, and restart don’t forget to be human. Thats where greatness is, you’re human first and then you did something amazing.

  • Allan G. Smorra
    July 15, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Good post, I love the quote by Jung.

  • Open Up Life
    July 15, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Compelling piece. We have all had times of darkness and light and I can definitely relate. Although we may not like the dark times, sometimes they are a blessing in disguise. Peace, love, bliss! Tammy

  • Nora L Pratt
    July 15, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    So well written and so true. Life is a balance in all things. And to appreciate color, we must have shades of gray; to appreciate light, we must have dark, and so on. But this is all part of our individual journey and should never be feared (not necessarily). I can understand why a person would fear it; but when you think about your own ‘self discovery’ in the process – it can truly be magnificent. Congratulations on your discoveries… you are to be admired.

  • joseph elon lillie
    July 15, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    It is true in this world we cannot know love without knowing rejection. I have known the heights of both and I will gladly accept the rejection if it is the only way to know love.

  • losingwithcooper
    July 15, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Amazing post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. <3

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  • Kelly M Hibbert
    July 15, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Love that quote and your take on it as it relates to love.

  • Le Flore Inc.
    July 15, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Some times the most important parts of us shine in times of adversity.

  • stormy1812
    July 15, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    so well written! i can relate all too well. i know the down side a little too well at this point lol it would be great to get to the joy now. maybe one day. i agree with an above commenter…. you chose your words so well! love this

  • priyasblog
    July 16, 2013 at 2:33 am

    You must be blessed to ‘find’ love, in the absence of it ! Am still looking and eventually will, too.

  • jane in training
    July 16, 2013 at 10:37 am

    If you can still see possibility even in the darkness, then there is no doubt that you will experience more joy than you can possibly imagine.

    Really wonderful post written with much heart.

  • Jessica Adriel
    July 17, 2013 at 5:38 am

    I am always enlightened by your self reflection, and honesty. What a beautiful thing. I do have one question… with your knack for words and ease of pen, why my dear are you not comprising this into a book or movie?

    • Jessica Adriel
      July 17, 2013 at 5:40 am

      Nevermind, last time I was here, your book was not out! My error for not reading. Congrats and I hope your experience with publishing was a good one. If not, I’m the one to ask.

  • HeartSpace
    July 19, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    “So it has once again become clear to me that it is truly my purpose to make people feel as loved as possible…” Beautiful.

  • Pink Ninjabi
    July 21, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    This post made my heart cry as well, I totally relate to the opposite as described and having it ripped away is one of the most difficult. And you’re right, the capacity to love others is the capacity to love ourselves really. Somehow this made me feel better in that which is unrecquitted because it was never about the other person in the first place. It was really about me, and what stance I will take to ensure my heart is taken care of.

    Thank you so much for this post. It is a great connection of experiences to the present.

    Pink.

  • lalala100
    July 29, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Reblogged this on Scribbles in a Spiral Bound Notebook and commented:
    Oh yes. Amen.

  • consultantnjeans
    August 2, 2013 at 5:52 am

    Reblogged this on The Consultant in Jeans.

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