It’s been a month since this happened, but it has been stuck in my head ever since. I remember it just like yesterday. You were on the phone crying for about 15 minutes, and then the words came out of your mouth – words that I haven’t forgotten. They have been in my head ever since. You said, “Where are all the men who will make you fall in love with them every single day… Where are they?”
All I wanted to say was…they are, here.
Life is a funny thing sometimes. At least, this is what I have found being the young man at 23 years old that I am. And over the past year, I have experienced a lot of change that I could never have foreseen. In fact, those who counseled me probably didn’t see it coming the way it did either. I have always had the grand fortunate-misfortune of having most everything in my life be attracted to one end of the spectrum or another. Never really do events sit in the middle ground for me. While it does make my world exciting, it also bears the existence of the Black Dog as Churchill would call it – the deep dark lows.
School ended and lots of things changed. No longer are friends conveniently placed in close proximity to you. In fact, as soon as you walk the stage, many disappear into thin air – almost as if they were never there. I used to have a hard time dealing with this thought, but now, through years of growth, I smile at the good times.
But it sure does make you appreciate those who are still here. And that is what I am talking about today.
Genuine, undying, timeless, care and love is a hard thing to come by. Maybe people are more cynical these days – and say that this world we live in now is much harder than the one we used to (I feel like every generation gives themselves that pat on the back regretfully). But I do know one thing – today is the day and age where we can truly be ourselves and have the world react to our expression rather than changing and morphing ourselves into someone who we think others will like. We no longer live in a caveman community of 17 where creating false personas and impressions is necessary. I do believe full-heartedly, and this is coming from someone who has changed and manipulated himself in the past in every single way possible to please the crowd, that you can put your best foot forward and project your message out to the world, and eventually something great will come back to you.
I believe this. And it comes at a price.
Dont expect your message to come bouncing back to you immediately. Life does not exactly work like that perfectly shaped bouncy ball you have in your hand. In fact, it works like one that is covered in nodules – ready to explode off the ground and then the side wall without any notice. The returns on the investments you have made take time. You have to have faith that everything you are doing is for a reason and a purpose. If you can’t find either of those then why are you even doing it?
We have all fallen to the temptation of wanting the end result right now. I mean, if you’ve ever been hungry and you walk past a Cinnabon – you are pretty much screwed. But I think you know what I am getting at. If it is in your mind and in your heart then you must continue pursuing it. When your soul becomes captured by something great things can happen. Becoming a better person captured mine a long time ago, and we are nearing almost a 1,000 days of this project? I think my example sticks.
There’s a deeper reason I am writing this all down today. Besides the conversation I was having above, and the subsequent mulling of the thoughts that were running through my head for a month – I have realized that the only true thing that matters to me is to continue telling people how much I care about them and what they mean to me. It is easy to shut off that valve when you feel like there will be a shortage of water in the well – but if I know anything about myself, it’s that there is no shortage of love in this heart. Continue to give without expectation and eventually…that bouncy ball will come back and knock you in the head.
– Evan Sanders