The Rut

Man Sitting In Valley

I’ve been stuck in a rut lately. I’m not exactly sure if the rut was extended or simply a short divot in the ground, but needless to say, it certainly was a thought provoker.

I’ve never been obsessed with the idea of “making it.” I guess I never really dreamed of the day where others would decide or say “Evan has made it.” When I think of this concept, I often get that looming feeling of settling. Perhaps it correlates with the similar thought that if you have made it, there is no more room to grow. I don’t think I ever want to get to the point where I have mentally achieved the time-to-stop-growing mentality.

I know that others will always have their  opinions of what is going on in my life and what I have failed at or achieved. This is an absolute in life and I am sure that it is entirely unavoidable. Opinions of others will always be present and the sea of advice will always wash up onto the shores of your mind. This leads me to believe that it becomes even more important to listen to the guiding voice in your head for directions to take on the proper path.

I find myself in ruts not when that voice isn’t present, but when there is a separate louder voice bellowing in the deep of my gut overriding the soft but certain mini-motivational speaker in my head that often tells me to go after my dreams. This combative voice demands my attention and takes me away from simply being able to go with the flow of life. It also paralyzes me because of its booming tone of uncertainty and doubt.

But as I sit here outside staring at the fire I just made, I realize that life must always have fuel. The logs you put on 20 minutes ago are burning through and the starters are now gone. The fire starts to burn down because the once easily accessible dry flammable wood has burned away. And to my right I see the larger log ready to be ignited as soon as I get off my butt and throw it into the pit. And life works similarly to this fireplace. What  you once used to light your flame is now gone and you must put new wood into the pit in order to get yourself going again. You might be burning a bit less hot right now, but when you overcome that moment holding you back from doing more work you can create a flame that was even grander than the last.

The wood of old will never light the new – but feed the spark with something fresh – and the flame will always remain.

– Evan Sanders

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  • thesanctuaryofmyheart
    April 20, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    Loved this!!!!!

  • Amberly
    April 20, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    Beautiful

  • dannignt
    April 21, 2013 at 4:01 am

    Excellent, it was like reading prose 🙂

  • Alastair
    April 21, 2013 at 4:16 am

    Brilliant

  • Quinn
    April 21, 2013 at 4:35 am

    This is so true

  • aaremo
    April 21, 2013 at 5:10 am

    I can relate on many levels. Life is full of so many challenges and limitations. It can be easy for the fire to burn out, leaving behind a hollowed out space filled with hot ashes. I’m learning to find new fuel and to re-create the spark that lights the fire. What I have learned is that doing so is not dependant on outer circumstances at all…it all comes from within me.

  • Margarita
    April 21, 2013 at 6:25 am

    Integration takes time. 😉 xoM

  • kimmyldavis
    April 21, 2013 at 6:34 am

    Sometimes it is so strange what can refuel us. As a teacher, you would think spring break would be enough to refuel me, but in reality it wasn’t the time off or away from work that did it. It was doing graphic art that was so different than the creativity that sparks my writing that actually got me writing again. And, it was some enforced isolation that brought back my need to be with the characters I was writing about. I am happy that I have learned at this point that inspiration is cyclical. I could just sit back and wait for it to happen but I do find if I am creative in ways other than the ones I WANT to be creative in, what I want arrives faster!

  • scheldtus
    April 21, 2013 at 6:45 am

    I read with interest “The wood of old will never light the new – but feed the spark with something fresh – and the flame will always remain.”
    Possibly a look back to Henry Ford….. When he did not know what to do with his left over wood from making Automobiles, (for all you younger people cars were made from WOOD frames) he burned it, then realized it COULD be used again and started…. KINGSFORD CHARCOAL company a product many of you will STILL PURCHASE TODAY…..

  • B
    April 21, 2013 at 6:45 am

    Awesome

  • theotherwomanblog
    April 21, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Synchronicity! Just as I opened WordPress to start a new post on ‘The Internal Predator’, I noticed your title…’The Rut’! I guess we are both being wrestled to the ground or even underground, just as Hades stole Persephone from her lovely, playful life.
    Between2Marys

  • theamberlight
    April 21, 2013 at 7:17 am

    The energy flow of the Universe has been very centered on stopping, taking time to evaluate where we are in the journey, and the places that we have not put in the effort WE know we are capable of giving. The fun part is we still have a chance to start acting…and in a very long-lasting, determined and thorough energy wave! Heraclitus taught we are all made from a spark of the fire of the origination of the Universe. That everything is a form of fire that is constantly burning. Which must consume new fuel, or it will go out. We burn calories…seems we understand more deeply that we than we realize. Wonderful post…I am going to re-blog! Have a great week Evan!

  • Day (434) – The Rut | Sheila Says...
    April 21, 2013 at 7:19 am

    […] Day (434) – The Rut. […]

  • theamberlight
    April 21, 2013 at 7:19 am

    Reblogged this on The Amber Light's Blog and commented:
    The energy flow of the Universe has been very centered on stopping, taking time to evaluate where we are in the journey, and the places that we have not put in the effort WE know we are capable of giving. The fun part is we still have a chance to start acting…and in a very long-lasting, determined and thorough energy wave! Heraclitus taught we are all made from a spark of the fire of the origination of the Universe. That everything is a form of fire that is constantly burning. Which must consume new fuel, or it will go out. We burn calories…seems we understand more deeply that we than we realize. Wonderful post…I am going to re-blog! Have a great week Evan!

  • dianelindstrom
    April 21, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    Thanks, Evan…much appreciated and timely message. Today, I’m experiencing the effects of “accumulated disappointment”, coming from a number of different directions. I’m acknowledging it, shed a few tears and am now spending the rest of the day, thinking about all the blessings in my life. I’ll get through it…and press on. Thanks for your vulnerability and honesty. I recently heard someone tell me, “Everything belongs” and I sincerely believe it. Everything in our lives belong..and we learn from every experience. Continue to move forward. Diane

  • Sarah K Russell
    April 21, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    Truly great post! Thank you! Hang in there!

  • Minuscule Moments
    April 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I agree feed the flame, there is always something new on your horizon, open your eyes and it is there waiting for such a talent as you.

  • joyfulbirth
    April 21, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    I believe spring creates a fire in our belly for change. We blossom and grow. I just wrote on this same subject. Thank you for this post

  • britlight
    April 22, 2013 at 10:47 am

    Reblogged this on Spiritual Biscuits and commented:
    In a rut too, petulantly dismissing affirmations and uplifting phrases. But I do toe the ground shyly and admit to liking this post. Especially the final sentence. Thank you.

  • pentabeans
    April 22, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Hey Evan, my name is Pentabeans. And I’m going to give you some advice to the best of my ability.

    Everything is temporary. Pain, pleasure, success, and of course life. The greatest gift that you can have is not success based on others standards but contentment.

    Those separtate voices in your dead are divisions of your personality (id, ego, and superego). That voice that makes you feel guility or like a loser is your superego. Unfortunately some people have to get drunk to shut it up.

    As long as your physically healthy and your not doing harm to others or yourself, your doing better than most.

    You have to be careful about the friends you make and the company you keep because their are many people out their who feed off of making others feel bad about themselves. Once those kind of people are in your life they become apart of your superego. And it’s hard to get those condescending voices out your head.

    Your success is on it’s way. It’s just not going to get to you tomorrow. Many people don’t even get on track until their early 40’s. Maybe this your lesson of patience “grass hopper”.

  • Douglas E
    April 22, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Sometimes a rut is just a well-worn groove that will help guide you through difficult terrain.

    • sarijj
      April 22, 2013 at 4:42 pm

      Douglas, thank you. Your words hit home. Like Evan I fall into ruts and start to fall into uncertainty and doubt. Your short sentence is gentle reminder that ruts are not always as bad as they seem. And stemming from your idea, maybe a rut may be our way of running back to safety of what we know. It seems to me, in the past, I have gotten myself out of ruts only when I bravely seek to do something new.

    "raw. electric. a daily shock to the soul."

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