The Better Man Project

Day (395) – The Phoenix

We need more people to stand in their flames. To say, “Here I am. Yes I am cloaked in this…but that does not define where I am going to be. Because if I stand in my flames, they will almost surely put themselves out. But if I lay down to die, I will certainly turn to ash.” When you stand in your flames and accept your condition, you leave yourself open to putting that fire out. Without acceptance, those flames will always be burning. I don’t think anyone needs tangible proof of what I am saying here.

%inspirational quotes

This past week I was going through some interesting stuff, things that I will never forget, and I came to some pretty strong realizations. I realized that we must not only love our condition, but love the conditions of those around us. The concept of unconditional love comes to mind. The fact that no matter what, you will love that other person, flames or not, and accept them for exactly the way they are. But something else came to mind that made me stop dead in my tracks today. I have someone in my life who is different, incredible, and challenges me. But what ended up happening this past week was that I was in my own flames, wasn’t exactly sure of what to do, and the stresses of what I was going through caused me to be blind to what was actually being said versus what I was interpreting it to be. What I came to, is that I realized that she was challenging me to be something greater than I was being…and the shell of my old self through the reading of the book multiple times over was fighting back. It was emotional. It was blind. Most of all, it was shortsighted.

I am usually incredibly introspective. I can see what is going on with me and understand it. But throughout this process, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Like I said the other night, I got to the week before the book launch and felt absolutely miserable. Why? Because all my fears, doubts, and insecurities were lined up like a firing squad ready to take me out. And they did. They took me right out of my game because I had absolutely no idea that all of this was going to happen in the dawning days right before a dream turned into a reality. No one told me it was going to happen like this. There was of course the conversation about obstacles, but there was no conversation about the deep dark stuff that was all going back in the internal enemies last stand. I have been at war…and I wasn’t prepared for this last battle adequately. But I rallied my troops…flanked my fears…and now I stand walking in the ashes of the flames that were once there. I defeated those fears…and I have this feeling inside of me that I can carry forever: certainty.

I just know in my bones.

My last thought for today is this – when you are with other people who are going through something, you have to understand that you can’t fix anything for them. Because if they don’t learn it for themselves, and go through it with their mind driving the progress, they will always hide the flames somewhere…never to fully be put out. You must stand with them…as a team. Not behind them, not in front of them…but right next to them. Because while things are on fire in your life, it is a dark black fire that no one can see but the person who is going through it. There are no flames that light the way. So you must be that confidant, that individual who holds the lantern with them while they walk, and when they are too afraid to make their own footsteps, you help carry them. You go on a journey together…and even if you can’t see the end result, or you don’t even know the flames that they are dealing with, you have to have as much faith  as you possibly can…that eventually…you will end in a place of light.

Join the Dream

Evan Sanders


  1. January 27, 2013

    I have nominated you for the VERY INSPIRING BLOGGER AWARD! Please click on the link to accept this award and check out the rules. CONGRATULATIONS!!

  2. January 24, 2013

    Wonderful post.

  3. Joy
    January 22, 2013

    Love this one so much! So good :)

  4. Joy
    January 22, 2013

    Reblogged this on Tellin' it like it is… and commented:
    If you don’t follow Evan’s blog already you should…he’s got the goods!

  5. January 22, 2013

    Reblogged this on kristaosborne and commented:
    All of this is so true and beautifully written where all can understand. I love this piece.

  6. January 21, 2013

    OMG! What an awesome post. Hugs Paula xx

  7. January 21, 2013

    This was one of my favorite posts. I would reblog this as well if it fit in my blog.

  8. January 21, 2013

    Reblogged this on Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate….Ivonne's Journey and commented:
    This is a very profound and insightful post.

  9. January 21, 2013

    Awesome post very profound….

  10. January 21, 2013

    Reblogged this on Healthy Habitat for the Soul.

  11. January 21, 2013

    this is so beautiful. truth.

  12. January 21, 2013

    Love this post! So true! Thank you for the reminder.

  13. January 21, 2013

    Beautiful and insightful…we are all on different paths and yet we are all on the same journey.
    I agree with Katrina…you mentioned being prodded by someone, did she not step out of her flames to help you conquer yours? We all need some form of help at some point, and if we pay attention and listen closely we will know what that is and when it is needed.

  14. January 21, 2013

    Thanks for the video, it gave me an idea! xx

  15. January 21, 2013

    Perfect time, really needed it right now .. Thanks for sharing.

  16. January 20, 2013

    Hi, Evan. Thank you for this article. I love the last paragraph you wrote. Can I repost it as a new post in my blog?

    Thanks before.

  17. January 20, 2013

    I needed this right now. Thank you for your insight and sharing your private thoughts.

  18. January 20, 2013

    Evan…I completely hear, see and feel you! That phoenix in all of us often has issues of perspective. We can become so consumed by our flames, we lose our objectivity. It’s one of the beautiful flaws being human. You’re absolutely right, we can never be fully effective in helping others around us to make informed choices. They must WANT to listen. And unfortunately, for anyone who unconditionally supports their loved ones, we experience our own pain of standing by. The ONLY choice we CAN make is whether or not to endure that pain. Here’s a recent post I made covering much the same topic.

  19. January 20, 2013

    Love this!!

  20. January 20, 2013

    some people are lucky enough to have the ability to manage their own problem but still out there, there are people who are always in uncertainty and lost..need to be guided or at least have some motivation to go on…

    we all have our strength and weaknesses…but sometimes we just don’t realized their existence in us..

  21. January 20, 2013

    “Yes I am cloaked in this…but that does not define where I am going to be”
    Beautiful and so true. I need to remind myself every day that just because something -was- does not mean it -will be-.

  22. MJ
    January 20, 2013

    Love the vulnerability in this one buddy and awesome song choice as well! So good!

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