It’s Okay To Need It

Don’t want it. Need it.

Need it to be the next piece of your life.

Need it because without it you will regret not having it.

Whatever it is. Friendships. Love. Passion. Health. The list can go on and on for everyone.

It is okay to have needs. We all have them. Often people try to shy away from thinking about what they need because of this one statement: “You’re needy.” It even makes me twinge saying it. But get over that and just realize that there are things out there that you need for a reason…usually that reason is because you start to feel happy and comfortable with them there.

So if you need it…ask it from yourself. If if involves getting it from another person…then all you can do and ask.

And that launches me into the three best pieces of advice I have ever been given when involving other people.

Pound for pound, this is the best advice I have ever heard. “It took a long time, but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to people who are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.” – Randy Pausch

Isn’t that right?

People can talk and talk and talk…hell I can, but at the end of the day, if I am not doing what I said I was…I am just another BSer.

Those who are interested in you will come and stay. Those who aren’t…won’t. Do your work. Get in touch, stay in touch, but you don’t have to force anyone to do anything for you.

Respect the value of what you bring to the table. People will decide if they want to sit down with you.


Accept them for who they are, and who they aren’t.

Don’t try to change them.

They are perfect exactly the way they are. Plus, to be honest, you can’t change other people. People will change for themselves. Authentic change comes from within.

I was told for years I should do this or that…and I just didn’t do it because it wasn’t the little voice inside me saying I should. Now even though having my worst nightmare waiting for me right around the corner possibly could have been avoided…I had to learn it the way I was supposed to.

I needed to have that experience to pull me down, so I could launch back up. Our needs come in all different shapes and sizes. None is better or worse than the others. They are just different…but that leaves us with something very much in common: emotions and feelings.

There are only so many words describing emotions in the dictionary…but you can never completely identify with someone on an event basis…only because the combinations and permutations of specific events happening are so outrageously complex…and you just aren’t that person anyways.

Empathy counts for much more. Feeling the other persons pain or elation. Don’t get lost in the specifics.

Go into something with someone not 50% 50%….not 100% 100%….but 0% 0%. 0% stands as the number where you accept them for everything…not expecting them to be or do anything more than who they are.

Love them for them.

Respect yourself too.

If people aren’t treating you right…or they are treating you like a joke…leave like it’s funny.

Self respect for who you are and what you stand for. Don’t let anyone  treat you like you aren’t beautiful. And by the way…the ones who treat you like you’re beautiful and you still treat them like dirt…those are angels in disguise.

You should probably realize what is going on, change that attitude, and hold on tight. We only get so many of those people in our lives. Don’t beat and bash them…they love you for you. Get out of your own way and trust those around you.

I could write for the rest of my life under the topics of Love, Passion, and Never Quitting. Oh wait.

I will

Evan Sanders

The Better Man Project

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  • Teddy3indc
    December 7, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Reblogged this on Teddy3indc – No Quotes, Just Me (mostly) and commented:
    I think I know a few people who need this. Feel free to read and to understand the words of a man, like you whether you are a man or woman, that wants to be better.

  • Marsha J. O'Brien
    December 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Oh Evan. You know all great men had what they considered many failures before success…strange how life twists our dreams to create character and success in other venues. God bless you and best of luck on this venture.
    I’ve been reading “you” for a while now, and I think you are successful already for touching on so many important things in your posts, and helping so many! Have a wonderful weekend. Nice meeting you face to face in the vimeo.

  • katrinaedwards
    December 7, 2012 at 9:04 am

    when you inspired others, you’ll feel the inspirations as well..
    when you make others happy, you’ll feel the happiness too…and when you love others, they will definitely show their love for you…

    I believe so…I hope all your dreams will come true…Katrina Edwards

  • briannadawn13
    December 7, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I like that you mentioned how people can’t change for the sole fact that other people want them to. “Authentic change comes from within”…I like this.

  • Leisa
    December 7, 2012 at 11:52 am

    I love your thoughts, Thankyou, and blessings to ya!

  • annibloggt
    December 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    just..WOW. thank you!

  • hashimeansbridge
    December 7, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Yes, absolutely, continue writing about love and passion. We can all use a little more of it (I know I can!)
    Thanks for this post 🙂

  • Abrielle Valencia
    December 7, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Another great blog! BTW, this is one of my favorite songs.

  • Swimming In The Mud
    December 8, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Lovely advice. Well said!

  • 2012 Blog of the Year Award | Writer's Block Busters
    December 9, 2012 at 8:34 am

    […] nominees for Blog of the Year 2012 are, in no particular order: insightful Evan Sanders of thebettermanprojects);  a natural writer bottledworder; sentence king stancarey; rambling thinker jenniesisler; and […]

  • CAWhite
    December 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

    When I told people I was going to write, a few of them looked at me funny and said “uuuh oooookaaay. well, good luck with that! It’s hard, ya know.” It was as if they either…a) didn’t think I could do it, b) didn’t think i’d ever get published or make any money, or c) they thought i’d give it a try and eventually give up.

    Well, guess what. I wrote a book. A 50,000 word book. That I wrote in 8 weeks. That is now in 2nd draft form and sent off to a copy editor. And it’s only the 1st of a trilogy. It’s going on Amazon no matter what. When the trilogy is done..I’ve already got other book ideas to write about.

    Will I make money? Yes. Why? Because I said I will.

    So there.

  • MickieAmber
    December 9, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Reblogged this on Find Yourself and commented:
    I couldn’t help but feel as if the words we being pulled right out of my head.

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    December 9, 2012 at 10:30 pm

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  • riyantiwikara
    December 9, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Reblogged this on The Auxinman and commented:
    oh my god! it’s so nice 🙂

  • riyantiwikara
    December 9, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    I like this post so much 🙂 i like your thought too 🙂 keep moving frward for us !

  • brianwilliamsen
    December 10, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Fantastic post.

  • livethree65
    December 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Reblogged this on 365.

  • seebers
    December 10, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Reblogged this on Seeber and commented:
    awesome read.

  • cityoftheweek
    December 13, 2012 at 2:35 am

    very motivating, very well said!

  • gileegirl
    December 15, 2012 at 4:17 am

    This is a great blog. I wish we had more like it out there in the web-o-sphere.