Sometimes we aren’t addicted to a substance or alcohol. Sometimes, we are addicted to something else. Whatever that might be, the experience is the same for those who are going through a fight to overcome what is in front of us. A long time ago after I had a my first elbow surgery, the doctors prescribed me two medications which in combination turned me into a shell of myself. I was completely useless. Permanently in a daze. The pain was gone, but after two weeks of this I had to go back into the office and beg for them to give me something else that didn’t have the side effects. Instead of giving me anything else, they told me that I probably didn’t need pain killers anymore and to just take Advil if I was in any pain. Thank god I thought that I was off of whatever they gave me. Little did I know the absolute hell I was going to go through. I remember my body itching and feeling like something was crawling under my skin. I looked up symptoms of withdrawals. Check. Check. Check. Check. But I promised myself to get out of it. This is a tiny example in comparison to what many go through with drugs and alcohol. I had a little glimpse of this pain…and knew that I would never venture into the land of substance abuse. I don’t like feeling out of control of my own body.

Like I said before though, there are many people who aren’t addicted to something that you can snort, shoot, or smoke. Pain, depression, sex, the list goes on. Their pain is just as bad as those who are ingesting their demise. And that’s what it really is. A path towards demise. Sometimes our minds are infected. This is incredibly dangerous because our mind is very convincing to our body. Whatever it thinks we become. If the mind is weak…the body will follow. By the way…I hope that you don’t think I am writing out of my ass here…this comes from deep down from experience.

Once you decide to drag your mind out of the gutter, the rest will follow. That’s why I started writing three years ago. I saw my path. I knew where it was headed…because I was given an incredible moment of clarity that I will never forget. That moment changed my course drastically, and while it hasn’t been easy and there has been that metaphorical “itch” and “relapse” a few times on the journey, the compass has always pointed in the right direction. You can overcome horrible things. I have seen it with my own eyes and I have seen others do it. But this has to be the start. Admittance. Standing…looking in the mirror and admitting that whatever it is…you’re addicted. Without the truth, everything else falls apart.

As I think more and more about the purpose of this project, it becomes clear to me that it is a search for truth. For what is right in life. Not what the world shows me, but what I can truly feel deep down in this heart of mine. I have been on the battlefield for three years, and I would never consider retreating to safety. The bullets flying, the bombs going off, the death of dreams and the loss of friends are all going on in this battle in my mind. But with all this loss, I have seen amounts of victory and bravery that I never knew I was capable of. I have overcome things that I knew were going to tear me apart if I didn’t learn from myself. Life is not always about being able to see the sun…it is also about being able to dance in the rain. This battlefield will come to an end one day, but until that time I continue fighting on. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t find something inside of myself that I need to dig out from the depths and bring to the light. Once it is exposed to light though…it crumbles. It gives me more and more reason to believe that our fears are a lie and all we have to do is have the courage to see ourselves truly for the way we are.

I have much left to do…but there is one major thing I need to charge at with all my might. Fear is present, but the courage in me and the sound of my heart pounding will outweigh that timidness.


Evan Sanders

Please Join My Dream https://www.facebook.com/BetterManProject

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  • learnactshare - Pete Ferguson
    November 12, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Great post Evan. I was contemplating writing about overcoming addiction as well this week, you did an excellent job covering the subject.

    As you point out, the signs of addiction are not just confined to drugs and alcohol. They can be related to more “socially acceptable” outlets such as food, television, etc.

    I have found there is a difference between looking to relax, and looking to escape. When any substance – food, drink, television – is repeatedly used to escape reality, addiction has a void and can take hold. It slips in quietly and takes root. If left unchecked, the roots can take a deep hold.


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  • jeejee
    November 12, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    I have no words to express how this entry hit home with me. I just would like to say thank you….seriously, thank you for writing so honestly.

  • Otherside (Remix) « Musical Eclection
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  • Keizick
    November 12, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Just what i needed today. I have been working to overcome my addictions this past year. This is a reminder to keep fighting. Your soul is shining, Evan.

  • lifessweetbittersurprises
    November 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    I myself is still fighting from addiction to pain. This is a motivation enough for me not to give up. Thanks for this post. 🙂

  • progressionofme
    November 13, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Wow – this blog entry really hits home! Love it!

  • jamieaaron03
    November 13, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Well said, I always keep this in mind when I’m worried about something, or feel fear taking control of my thoughts ” fear is believing satins lies” also, recovering from anything in life is not about just about not screwing up, it’s about getting back on that horse and riding no matter how many times you fall off, that is what makes you strong, and happy and fulfilled.

  • Mazigrace
    November 13, 2012 at 6:47 am

    “Life is not always about being able to see the sun…it is also about being able to dance in the rain.” Love that! I read somewhere … Fear and worry are like a rocking chair. You are constantly moving but getting no where. This too shall pass!

  • prayingforaspouse
    November 13, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Reblogged this on prayingforaspouse and commented:
    So unbelievably true. There will always be one more bluckety yuck to purge ourselves of until He returns to save us from ourselves.

  • annesturetucker
    November 13, 2012 at 11:11 am

    You write so honest and from the heart – I love that!

  • noordinaryjoy61
    November 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

    I’ve been on a quest this year to get myself back, to be more real, more honest (with others and myself), to be who I really am, to not compromise on the things that are truly important, to overcome fear, and to just embrace life. Your post was very inspirational, Evan. Keep on keeping on. It’s definitely worth the trip.

  • requiesit
    November 13, 2012 at 11:32 am

    I like your strength, focus, and determination. You know addictions well. I am in the same fight with you, and I as I peel back the layers of my patterns one things comes clear to me the enemy is always the same. I am always fighting against the same impulse to go back to the old familiar patterns. Whether it is substance abuse, relationships, or patterns of thought and feeling addictions are the things we cannot break away from on our own. I really respect your writing it out loud.

  • savvyblurb
    November 13, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    I’m from Seattle, and know and love Macklemore. Such an awesome guy with an awesome drive. Love this guy, my man!

  • ryjoca
    November 13, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    “Fear is present, but the courage in me and the sound of my heart pounding will outweigh that timidness”.

    Thank you for this wonderful quote. It really hit me hard. Im always afraid, but whenever I read your posts, It give me some shining energy to fight back that fear inside of me.

  • makelifenice
    November 13, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I have nominated you for a Sunshine Award: http://makelifenice.wordpress.com/2012/11/13/the-sunshine-award-spread-a-little-joy/

  • maomadame
    November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Keep going 🙂 I’m also fighting. :))

  • brianwilliamsen
    November 13, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    ‘But with all this loss, I have seen amounts of victory and bravery that I never knew I was capable of. I have overcome things that I knew were going to tear me apart if I didn’t learn from myself. Life is not always about being able to see the sun…it is also about being able to dance in the rain.’

    You nailed it, my friend. Beautiful words! Great perspective.

  • Jennifer Szescula Flanagan
    November 13, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    This is a beautiful piece that really resonated with me. The line that hit me hardest was “For what in life is right. Not what the world shows me, but what I can truly feel deep down in this heart of mine.” So may times I go astray but it always comes back to those lines. Thank you for sharing yourself in this way.

  • stephsaidthis
    November 13, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    I nominated your blog for the very inspiring blogger award. Go to this post on my blog for more info. 🙂


  • smile breathe and go slowly
    November 13, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    “Once it is exposed to light though…it crumbles.” I have seen that truth time and again with my own fight with depression, the working through of my childhood abusive demons, the fight to believe that I was enough. I have nothing now to hide, nothing to fear, who I am is enough. Everything in this post resonated with me so much Evan. i’m truly happy to have come across this blog and this is one of very few I look forward to reading.

  • gentlestitches
    November 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Addiction is such a debilitating thing. Too long it has lurked in the shadows. We must out it like you are and not hide it. It breeds and grows in the darkness.

  • quietharmonies
    November 13, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    Reblogged this on A Road to Somewhere and commented:
    You are not alone in your addiction. It’s always nice to hear from somone else.

  • Katie Glenn
    November 14, 2012 at 10:40 am

    You’ve come so far and your resolve is strong … I know you will get through anything you put your mind to.

  • Scott Bogan
    November 15, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Thank you for sharing your words and your journey with us! It is inspiring and encourages me to continue to fight!