Chivalry

When I was a very young man, my grandfather, one of the men I still revere most in my life…even though he is gone now, sat me down and taught me something I would never forget. He said to me, “Evan, always treat the women in your life with the utmost care. Because they will always take care of you. If someone hurts a woman in your life, you make sure they never do that again.”

My grandfather was a great man. He had good southern blood in him and taught me, even though I was very young at the time, things I would never forget. He was a man of discipline but great love. While he may not have said I love you, you could feel it. I will always remember how he used to kiss me goodnight. He would hold the side of my head and kiss my forehead 5 times. When I would visit him on the East Coast, I would remember seeing him come out of his room in a suit every single day. From him, I learned so many things without him actually telling me. He didn’t need to. He showed me.

Throughout the past few years, I have started to find my own way and create my definition of what it means to be a man. This definition is very different from what society has created for itself today. For the longest of time I felt lost trying to be something that only led me to pain. The path that is groomed  for you today isn’t healthy. There are few examples of  true good men out there standing for what is right. We need our heroes.

My friends call me an old soul, and maybe that is because there is a lot more of my grandfather in me than I realize. I have simple tastes and value things that are not in material form, but that are truly significant to my heart. What happens though is that I am often misunderstood because of my actions. I guess this comes with the territory. I take care of the women in my life no matter who they are. Why? Because they are supposed to be looked after…taken care of…and loved. It’s not because they aren’t strong enough to do it themselves…but I do it because it is part of everything that I have to offer. Why ever withhold love from the people around you? It doesn’t matter if you are romantic with them or not. Because when you are able to love your heart out, no matter what the capacity of the relationship is, it makes you a better man. It makes you care about people, feel their emotions, and it connects you on a different level with the people around you. There is a reason why Love is part of my mantra.

I have written stories of heartbreak and pain of loss. But I have never stopped loving or putting my heart out there for the world to see. When you cage yourself off to passionately caring about someone, you lose a piece of yourself. I have never been one to do things without fire in my heart. I not only expect this from myself, but I know that my friends can expect this from me as well. To give them the best I have no matter what. The bar that I have set for my character is high, and I will do things that are in line with that bar. Often of times, that involves going the extra mile for people. Not because I have to, but because I want to.

You will be understood by many, but one day it will click. And in that day, you will brand your mark on the hearts of those around you, and they will always remember you as someone who loved dearly without expectation.

 

Evan Sanders

Please Join My Dream https://www.facebook.com/BetterManProject

 

You Might Also Like

  • carolynpageabc
    November 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    A wonderful read; Thank You.

  • .
    November 1, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Gosh. I just clicked on your blog link to see who was following me. I was met with someone who so eloquently worded the human capacity to love. I want to share an excerpt from writing by Louise Erdrich (The Painted Drum) that made me feel better about how honestly and openly I give people love. Sometimes it can get you down, but it’s worth it.

    “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

    Enjoy your apples 🙂

  • Kitt Crescendo
    November 1, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Your grandfather sounded like an amazing person and an awesome role model.

  • moranisma
    November 1, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    I have always told my kids that it is easy and common to add selfishness, pain, rudeness, greed, unkindness, etc to the world so dare to be different, so to speak, and add something else to the world. Like love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness…. Great post 🙂

  • eclectikramblings
    November 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    great post…i could say so much but don’t want to air my dirty laundry 😉

  • There's a frog on my Sprocket!
    November 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    What a great post… Those of us with great people in are families are very fortunate.
    Thank you for sharing. I loved this

  • anthonybotros
    November 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Great post Evan. Although I have no real memories of my grandfather, a lot of the same beliefs have been instilled in me. I am not quite sure where my beliefs came from but a lot of what you said really resonated with me. I wish I would have found your blog at its beginning. I would have loved to read along and follow your personal development.

  • Cashmereheart
    November 1, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Amazing!

  • The Irish Bard
    November 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    I have been called an ‘old soul’ by my closest friends as well. While I try to be a humble person, that phrase has always struck me as such a compliment. It is someone’s way of saying you seem wise beyond your years. I do my very best not to take that for granted. I hold it close to me and let it warm me but always keep it in perspective because it’s so easy to let a compliment run away with our heads! You seem a humble soul. I send you my best for all you undertake and encounter.

    It sounds as if we were cut from the same cloth.
    Good luck to us both weaving our own tapestries with the tender, bare threads handed down to us by those we love and respect who came before us.

  • djtoasterbiscuit
    November 1, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    Your grandfather sounds like a fantastic man & I am grateful he instilled great values in you. I hope you are able to lead by example. Thank you!

  • sistainarms
    November 2, 2012 at 12:01 am

    Enjoyed your post and thank you for following 🙂

  • heysugarsugar
    November 2, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Reblogged this on heysugarsugar and commented:
    This is a beautiful post.

  • Merryn Padgett
    November 2, 2012 at 3:49 am

    Evan, you are truly amazing! Namaste 🙂

  • ruleofstupid
    November 2, 2012 at 3:58 am

    Beautiful post Evan. People often call me something that sounds like ‘a soul’…
    But seriously, you are so very right – the paths laid out by culture have become barren, take the road less travelled and live for love and people.

  • Mortal Musings
    November 2, 2012 at 4:52 am

    I really needed to read this, especially after my last post. Thank you. Ever so much.

  • Kape Country
    November 2, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Excellent post, Evan! I can relate to the majority of what you have written. We ‘old souls’ are certainly a rare and dying breed. Kindness to strangers has become a rarity, unfortunately. Both men and women are guilty of this. Respect for the fellow human doesn’t exist as much anymore. It almost makes people cynical when they receive kind gestures from others, as if kindness is part of someones ulterior motives. It’s all rather sad really. Keep fighting the good fight, my friend!

  • Mortal Musings
    November 2, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Also, I love the sound of your grandfather.

  • chitchatandallofthat
    November 2, 2012 at 5:00 am

    A fantastic post Evan. What a blessing to have a grandfather like yours.

  • amaeguerrero
    November 2, 2012 at 6:12 am

    “Because when you are able to love your heart out, no matter what the capacity of the relationship is, it makes you a better man.”

    Like that line. You’re such an amazing man. Keep that burning heart! God bless 🙂

  • amoonfull
    November 2, 2012 at 6:59 am

    A beautiful and exemplary way of living. You are so wonderful. And as a woman living in modern times, i am strong enough to make it on my own, but am willing to accept genuine love and care by a man. Afterall, we werent made to be alone. I see it as a give and take. A team. Beautiful post.

  • gmuniverse
    November 2, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Great words Evan and thanks for sharing. I never met my grandfathers; I wish I had.
    As I look at my two grand kids, one which was born about six weeks ago on my birthday, I can only wish to be a good grandfather and a caring man to them. In today’s world, it’s tough for a man to show emotions, love and care. I just hope to be a luminescent soul that provides a beacon of light as they go through Life.

  • khrystleraine
    November 2, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Reblogged this on khrystleraineduste and commented:
    Chivalry is not dead! It lives on in this man’s heart… God bless you Evan! *hugs* luv khrys…

  • balancelife69
    November 2, 2012 at 8:02 am

    I love you.

  • beautyexpressed
    November 2, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Reblogged this on Inspiring Life and commented:
    This man… This post, this is truly moving. I’ve blocked myself off, and I didn’t even realize.

  • tornadoday
    November 2, 2012 at 8:29 am

    ….anything else……..well, anything else isn’t love………..

  • loneyheart
    November 2, 2012 at 8:42 am

    the world we live in has changed so much. we all have forgotten the simple rules of life. patience, love, kindness, respect, to take care of others above ourselves.
    It does my heart good to see that there are still people on this earth who cherish those values. And aims to teach that to others.
    thank you

  • bcrcrider
    November 2, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Reblogged this on Riding the BC Roller Coaster and commented:
    I’m lucky enough to have found a man who was taught and lives this. I’m reblogging for those women who have not yet found the man who will love them like this, and for those women who have never had a man like this in their lives, so they don’t know what to look for in their mate – use this as at least one of your decision points about who to give your time, energy and attention to – about who to keep in your life. I wish every woman will find a mate (of whatever gender works for her) who will love her like this – as is mentioned in the blog Not because she can’t take care of herself, but because we all deserve to be loved like this.

  • bcrcrider
    November 2, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Fantastic! The women in your life are lucky indeed, as am I to have found a man who loves me like this. I reblogged this to help other women fine their own good man.

  • elaviel413
    November 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Thank you very much for starting to follow my blog! I’m so glad you did because that enabled me to discover yours! It’s absolutely wonderful!
    You have such a great voice! I look forward to following you along your journey.

    And if you’d like to join me on my Facebook page, please, feel free. 🙂

    https://www.facebook.com/underthefallenleaves

  • annewoodman
    November 2, 2012 at 11:42 am

    What a beautiful tribute to a loving, loved man. Sounds like some woman out there is or will be a very lucky woman.

  • Sahara Landers
    November 2, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing a little bit of your grandfather’s wisdom, it takes a great man to appreciate his roots.

  • thoughtfullywritten
    November 2, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Marry me? haha kidding. But truly this is a wonderful post. We need more men like you out there. Never let anyone change you!

  • terripham
    November 2, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    You are just amazing. Thank you so much. Your blog is a pleasure to read.

  • terripham
    November 2, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Reblogged this on wwtd? what would terripham do? and commented:
    Amazing post that warms my heart and it is so eloquently written!
    One of my favorite blogs!

  • denesewilliams7
    November 2, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Evan, you are an old soul! What a beautiful tribute! You are very inspiring, I believe you are doing your purpose in life. Thanks for following my blog.

  • techgeekdreamer
    November 2, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    It takes little to be a normal man, far less to be a bad man, but it takes everything you have to be a better man. I’ve struggled with becoming a better man than I allowed myself to be and while it was always possible, I never saw this until I knew the truest love possible in the form of my (now) wife. Your words resonated incredibly, both the message and in the retelling of your beloved grandfather. I too once knew a man such of that and am blessed with a father who is quite similar. My father gave my mother an unconditional and everlasting love until the day she left this life and I can only honor him, her memory and the blessed wonderful of my Jennifer by doing the same. Again, thank you for your words.

  • Joyisnow
    November 3, 2012 at 12:56 am

    How touching. My grandmother did the same for me. A truly remarkable lady, totally adored by her 17 grandchildren. You reminded me of her. Thank you for doing that. (Oh and I love your Youtube trailer for the Project February 2013. Can’t wait)

  • uniqueimagelondonblog
    November 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

    loving without expectation…unconditional love. Beautiful piece. I pray that your words touch a lot of men out there! Thank you.

  • hipmamamedia
    November 3, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Awesome, Evan. I really love it that you say you do loving acts of kindness for women, not because they aren’t strong, but because its right to treat them that way. Sometimes, I think culture says strong women dont’ want or need chilvary from men, but that is just lame. Of course, we do! Thanks for posting!

  • reluctantwritergirl
    November 4, 2012 at 5:47 am

    I wish there were more men like you! 🙂

  • reluctantwritergirl
    November 4, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Reblogged this on reluctant writer girl and commented:
    i am sharing this post with you that was written by the better man project. it is so rare to hear a man speak of chivalry anymore. i am so inspired by this author who courageously stands out among the crowd and has decided to live his values. it is not always easy. the world truly needs more men like this.

  • kittymobile
    November 4, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Great post. Your grandfather sounds like a storyteller too, in his own way. It’s great to hear from a man that love is needed rather than frowned upon or a weakness. Today’s society as a whole just doesn’t appreciate the best things in life as good, strong, things. A person can love and care without being weak or vulnerable. And, sometimes, vulnerability becomes a strength.

  • jerrontables
    November 4, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Way up high five.

  • Cyranette
    November 5, 2012 at 6:42 am

    What a wonderful man you already are, Evan! It will be very interesting to follow your heart and soul for the next twenty years.

  • hooleywithaz
    November 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    great post, that word, chivalry is not used enough. thank you for coming to check out my little slice of life. keep coming back for more.

  • Brandie Sellers
    November 14, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Reblogged this on Healthy Habitat for the Soul and commented:
    Add your thoughts here… (optional)

    • thebettermanprojects
      November 15, 2012 at 7:20 am

      Really happy you liked this one haha. The world needs a little more chivalry eh?

      • Brandie Sellers
        November 15, 2012 at 7:21 am

        A little more? I’d say A LOT more! lol! Love it 🙂 Wish there were more men with your passion!

  • Julie
    December 6, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Reblogged this on Blogging the 500 days to 50 years and commented:
    This post is a repost of a fine young person that gets it. I have been reading his blog posts since before I started my own.

    While this post is about chivalry. Specifically about a man’s. Here’s the kicker for me. It goes both ways. Woman too can be chivalrous. Courteous and honorable behavior is being chivalrous.

    To the nth degree, we should be courteous and honorable to ourselves, and others. Respect starts inside, in the soul.

"raw. electric. a daily shock to the soul."

Join hundreds of thousands of dreamers. Sign up for free to receive straight fire and motivation into your inbox daily!

You have Successfully Subscribed!