Deep In Thought



I received this very interesting email today from one of my readers…and it put me into very deep thought about how I was going to respond. In short, the email was very gracious…and it was requesting that I write like I used to write, because those old blog posts (there was no specification to how far back she had been reading) were more meaningful to her and they connected with her more. I absolutely love receiving emails from people telling me what they are getting from this blog and what they like and don’t like etc. This one struck me not because of the request, but because it brought up something I have preached over the past few years. Being present. Which brings me to two amazing quotes by Hemingway on writing.

All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer.

Forget your personal tragedy. We are all bitched from the start and you especially have to be hurt like hell before you can write seriously. But when you get the damned hurt, use it-don’t cheat with it

I have said it before…and I will hold onto this statement as the pure truth of why I write till the day I die. I am not writing for anyone else but me. Writing has made my life so much more meaningful than it ever was, and it helped me create a world and a vision that could not be seen years ago. This goes right back to the original intent of the blog…which I say in my speech. It is not a guidebook for anyone else, but rather the story of the things I am learning along the way on the journey of becoming a better man. I know some people will get specific things from my journey, and others will get a completely different response. However, my writing and my journey are about what is going on in my life. One of the billions out there, and I just happen to have put it on paper for people to see. I wake up each and every day seeing that day as an opportunity to improve upon myself and to continue down the path that I have chosen. If that is the right path who knows? But is it the path that I believe in deep down in my heart? Yes. I can say in dead honesty, I have never sat down and said to myself, “Evan…let’s really knock their socks off today.” If I do this… I am lost. The intent is gone, and so is the point of writing.

But I would like to address the request in another way. In reading the book 4 times, and rereading a lot of the posts I have written that aren’t part of the book and that are more “modern,” I think there is a lot to be gained from the newer writing. I will be honest…when I first started blogging…those posts were about a monumental amount of personal pain and anguish. The degree of that pain will never be fully understood by those who have read the blog because there are just certain things that never need to be put into writing. However, through that time in my life, I learned the lesson of Never Quitting. Never giving up on yourself. Through the years following, and through thousands of more pages written, I learned the two other connecting pieces: Love, and Passion. This was all part of a process that has turned me into the person I am today. If I went back to writing the way I did back then…then I would be miserable. I remember sitting down at the keyboard and sometimes putting my face in my hands and crying. I understand the request, and respect the time it took to email me, however, going back to that time and that way of writing is not something I will ever do or look forward to doing in the future. I know it will probably happen sometime down the line, but we will tackle that when we get there.

The reason why the email put me into such deep thought is because it forced me to think about how the writing has evolved over the past few years and recently in the past few months. With each new post, there is an opportunity to do something different and hone a skill that hasn’t been touched yet. I think that in our lives with everything we have this same opportunity. To continue working as hard as possible on ourselves and improving every day. But we do not look back on the past and wish for something that is long gone. We instead look to the present moment as the only true moment that matters. What I have found in my own writing is that it is connecting with a lot of people deep down within their hearts. This has created a community that I feed with my words and they feed me with their support and motivation. I improve because of their love, and they improve because of mine. What still astounds me is that there are thousands of people who are reading this every single day and take the time to write me something that is very meaningful to them. When this happens, we only get stronger as a single unit. Not two separate entities, but as one. One loving, passionate, never quitting machine ready to do good in the world.

I will be writing till the day my engines kick out. And I will continue to improve upon myself and test new waters in my writing. Sometimes I will fail miserably, and sometimes I will succeed. But to not try is my personal definition of failure. This is how I can grow. To morph, to adapt, and to change along the way.

I can promise you though…that I will continue sailing uncharted waters.

Evan Sanders

Please Join My Dream :)

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  • OneHotMess
    October 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    I totally get this, Evan. We evolve as writers. Many of my early post were of the face in the hands, sobbing, variety, and there may be more to come. I cannot predict that, but I do know it is happening less as I evolve as a person, and as a writer. I am allowing my wit out now. I am not so deadly serious and at the same time, I am not trying as much to help others with my posts, as I am working to help myself become more true to me. To deny my wit, my view of life–to deny the healing and evolution would make a mockery of what I am hoping to do. Also, like you, were I forced to try to push out something gut wrenching every day, I would be at a total loss. Good for you!

  • revmelissabrown
    October 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Thank you once again for echoing the thoughts in my head. Keep living forward and inviting us to join you on the journey.

  • Coral
    October 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    In Shakespeare’s “Hamlet,” Polonius said in his farewell to his son, Laertes, “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

    When one takes care of self first (not in a selfish or narcissistic way, but in a nurturing/healthy way), he/she is in a position to be able to genuinely give to others.

    Continue to be true to yourself, Evan, and your story will resonate with those who need to hear it at the moment it needs to be heard. Thanks for the reminder.

  • Xenogirl
    October 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    The constant struggle of the postmodern writer… to write for the reader or write from the heart? The heart should win… every time.

  • Lissa Rabon
    October 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I used to check my stats all the time, thinking if i didn’t have over a certain amount of visitors, it meant I ought to hang up my hat. I now write for me and it seems to flow and I get a real relief or rush when i publish a post. It’s a lot like a cleansing. I feel it creating itself in my mind and when I finally sit down and get it out, I can relax again. I love knowing that good writers like you can struggle a little with their writing. Keep it real…and thanks.

  • Joyisnow
    October 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Wow. You summed up exactly why I write. I am so new to this, 6 weeks in but can’t imagine stopping. I have waited my whole life for this. I keep saying that I am so grateful that blogging exists!! Bloggers are such a fantastic crowd. I have ‘met’ and touched bases with incredible people, lovely stories, sad stories and it just confirms my belief in the love of humanity. I am literally a new person, pumped to start each day. And the feeling never wanes. The writing was the reason and no one saw a word for weeks but when I got the courage to tag things, lovely, lovely people came out of the woodwork. I encourage everyone I know to blog but it appears we are a ‘special’ breed – open and trusting and full of feeling. Thanks Evan. I am glad you found me.

  • mysweatyshirt
    October 31, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Hi, thanks for following my blog. Yours are interesting to read.. 🙂 Love this post… Word hard and stay humble, absolutely.

  • leilainparadise
    October 31, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Thank you Evan. I wish that I could articulate better what is going thru my mind right now but there is quite a lot and it is bouncing pretty fast. I start a sentence and cannot finish it . Suffice to say that you have given me something to hold onto at the moment and that is quite important.

  • fingersprecipice
    October 31, 2012 at 2:57 am

    Just so you know, you are my first follower, I’m pleased it’s you, because you’ve got a forward thinking momentum that uniquely sees the romance in your adventure, both internally and externally. It’s a bit like moving into a new area, and the guy in the cool house over the way pops over, has a look around and say’s ‘yeah, this is going to be a nice place.’

    I think writing is the fuel with which we keep the heart burning.

    • curlyadventurer
      October 31, 2012 at 11:55 am

      The bettermanproject is my third follower. I know how you feel. It is nice to get encouragement when you start on a new adventure.

      Viva Aventura

  • ruleofstupid
    October 31, 2012 at 5:00 am

    I think you are right. Someone commented recently that they should write differently to help their readers and I said no – write from the heart, it’s how you got your readers!
    People change and grow and our relationships will ebb and flow as we offer and need different things. You can’t live to satisfy anyone, otherwise when their needs change they go and you are left bereft. You can only be who you are – yes compassionately, yes not arrogant or oppressive, but always you.

  • scaramouche
    October 31, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Good to read your thoughts and I agree with the other comments. To be true to your present self and to let your heart guide you will lead you to new doors, new ways of expressing your authentiic self. Looking forward to reading more on your journey!

  • judedalton
    October 31, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Awesome remix of ‘Ecstasy of Gold’ – that album is going straight on my wish list!

  • noordinaryjoy61
    October 31, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Brilliant response! To thine own self be true!! I feel the same way about my writing. I want it to reflect how I’ve changed and grown, and overcome and conquered, and not to be forever frozen back in a painful time and place. When we write from a place of authenticity, in real time, we are free to be ourselves. It’s always a growing experience to join someone on their journey forward, and that is why I follow your blog. Well done.

  • curlyadventurer
    October 31, 2012 at 11:52 am

    This blog is a lighthouse in a sea of words. It is hard to know what is right as I stare at the edit page. But Luckily I was horn with a lot of wind, so when I allow my heart, spirit, muse, to flow I can write something good most of the time. Staying true to yourself is the best way to write. They say to write what you know, and who do you know better than yourself?

    Thank you for the encouragement. I look forward to following your blog as well. You have fused personal experience, learning, and adventure both corporeal and spiritual in your blog.

    I look forward to following the adventures of the ever better man. And Hope to better myself as well.

    Viva Aventura

  • AminaBaha
    October 31, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Reblogged this on The Content Life and commented:
    I love this BLOG & its posts.

  • Amalia
    October 31, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    hhhhmmm…gosh, your post still has me thinking….
    Writing…up until last year, I had literally forgotten that when I was a little girl, I loved not only to read, but also to write. I would spend whole summers writing stories.
    Then I remember, life getting hard as a kid, needing to be more of a grown-up, families falling apart, and later lost love. And I lost myself. I really spent years not being myself and turning into something else that I didn’t want to be. Coming out of that, I thought my heart was broken from just the lost love, but with time I have learned and am reminded from reading your post, that my broken heart was also for my lost self.
    Just over two years ago, something inside me cried out and made the call for me. God…I really think it was God and trust me, I’m not religious 🙂 but I know God saved me, even from myself. And I started to come back to myself, more and more.
    And writing began to appear; it was a part of that. It has been growing back.
    This post and even more so your life/dream, really inspires me to be me and to write from my heart, more so than I have yet done. I need to push myself on this a little more I think.
    Thanks for the nudge!
    P.S. have you heard of or read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron?

    • thebettermanprojects
      October 31, 2012 at 4:59 pm

      Love the comment! No I have not heard of the book but I will definitely check it out! I see you are from Italy. I have to go back so bad haha it’s on my goals list.


      • Amalia
        November 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

        Thanks Evan. It’s really neat that you try to answer people back, cause I see you get a lot of interaction!

        I’m actually American but also Spaniard…born in the US but dad’s Scottish/Irish and mom is Dominican and Spaniard. I live in Spain now and was traveling all over Italy the beginning of the year. I LOVE traveling! When I’m not in Europe, I live in Denver.

        From what I’ve read of you, I think you would really love “The Artist’s Way” book. I’m excited to read your book soon as well. Way to go! Like I said before….inspiring!

        Now go take a moment today to sit still and take it all in – joy 🙂

        Hasta luego!

  • Amalia
    October 31, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Reblogged this on AmaliaVida and commented:
    I really was inspired by this fellow writer’s post today. I hope you enjoy as well and follow along!

  • imprintsonyourmind
    October 31, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Reblogged this on imprintsonyourmind.

  • wizardwisdom101
    October 31, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    I love to see what you post daily, your wise words, the “posters”, if only I had more time to explore more… Thank you for sharing from your inner core….

    Thank you for following my blog.

  • loneyheart
    November 1, 2012 at 7:14 am

    life is fluid, like water it carves new paths. And we are helpless to stop it. So in short we can never go back. water only flows forward moving on to its next place. We can think back and learn but to live, truly live you can not get stuck in the mud but burst forward out of the dam and down stream.

  • Lorna's Voice
    November 1, 2012 at 7:38 am

    I truly admire your quest and your dedication. You are writing and living consciously, which is saying a lot. Most people do neither. As you say, you write for yourself and if other get something from it, well, that is wonderful. But the point is to be true to yourself.

    Going back isn’t an option, is it?

  • cherylfoston
    November 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Ditto to noordinaryjoy61 comment.

  • tornadoday
    November 2, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Evan, I am reminded of something I read a couple of days ago. Most people never realize the power they have. They hold themselves back, or they let others hold them back, and instead go through life thinking ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not talented enough’, ‘I am not …..’

    The thing I read was of a man who told of visited the autobahn in Germany because he had always wanted to drive on it since it had no speed limit. A friend was with him and they got the car to 100, 110, 120 and then another car (the same make and model) went flying past them. The driver was astonished, but his friend just laughed. The driver said, ‘but I’m going as fast as I can’, and his friend said, ‘no…you’re going as fast as you will’. We choose; we always choose. Whether we coast around the curves or put the pedal to the metal is up to us………

    Wonderful write and wonderful reminder of the reasons we write (and the reasons we live). ~ Love, Bobbie

  • Cyranette
    November 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Well said – again!

  • sandyrubias
    November 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    I used to blog with passion and all that changed but I’m glad you’re blazing trails in becoming a better man, and writing in your voice. Wishing you all the best! Keep the posts coming 🙂

  • website
    November 17, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    Amazing! This blog looks exactly like my old one!
    It’s on a totally different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design.
    Excellent choice of colors!