I can feel it inside when I am off. It’s a sinking feeling in my stomach. I know myself pretty well, and when I have that feeling, I automatically know that there is something wrong. Sometimes we get ourselves into situations where we contemplate things…that if we hold to our values, shouldn’t even be contemplated. We question to the point of almost convincing ourselves that we should act a certain way…but we truly know in our hearts, that if we followed through with it, it would tear us up inside. There have been many points throughout my life where I have succumbed to the temptations that all seek refuge in our souls…and there have been times of courage and honesty where I have pushed past the pressures of society and defied the influence of these such temptations. It is a struggle…and never easy to take the road less traveled by. In fact, it often wears you out to the point of physical tiredness. I find that however, when I lay my head down on the pillow at the end of the night, I am able to sleep and sleep soundly. Because it is what is within me that I did not sacrifice…what makes me the man I am today.
I have made the right decision in the face of whatever you want to call it, and while we wish that certain situations weren’t packaged in the way they are…you are often delivered the box that you do not expect. There is no doubt in my mind that situations such as these are constantly brought forth and presented to me in order to test my will and capacity to love…and also as a check to ensure I am living up to what I claim to represent. Willingly, I have accepted the challenge to walk a path that few have gone down, not because I am not afraid, but because I know that through the darkness there will always be the stars to guide me to the light. I paused writing for a few days for a multitude of reasons, but in fact, I have turned out finding exactly what I needed. It is not about showing off to the world, or presenting yourself as something or someone you aren’t, but being able to back up your words with concrete and unaltered action. This is how heroes are made. These are the people we need, that I need, that the world needs. The men and women who do what they say…nothing short of that. It is a simple concept, but surprisingly hard to come by these days. I am striving to be a man of uncompromising integrity…a path that will never end.
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